Getting Too Close – Update

I have an update for you all.

I worked a case with my group today.

Within two hours of being notified we had the bastard and got him in custody.

He was propositioning a twelve-year-old girl.


After the two major losses I talked about in my last post I needed a damn victory. Holy shit… I’m elated.

Getting Too Close


Those of you that know me know that there are certain things I see as absolutely abhorrent in life… and I mean abhorrent. They burn a fire of anger in my core.

I can deal with situations that are awful as well as help others through said situations. I do it regularly and I don’t give it a second thought; I’m there to help. There are some things, however, that stick with you. Certain things I have a hard time letting go. These are the things that change you and that cause problems sleeping.

Even when nothing comes of it you still feel dirty and you still feel as though you have failed even if there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I’ve had two in the past month and it’s taken everything I have to come back from the edge and keep fighting because people depend on me.

I didn’t know how to deal with any of these things at the time. Both of these incidents involve my investigations and involve me dealing with and confronting the worst in humanity. Moreover, these involve children.

I firmly believe that the last thing a child molester should hear is the report of a twelve-gauge being fired at his head and the last thing he should ever see is 00-buck flying toward his eyes.

One of the things I’ve also learned is that you can’t save everyone. I’ve had to learn that lesson the hard way and I think I will probably have to keep learning it since I cannot stop when it comes to cases like these.

First Incident

The Build-Up

About a year ago, a fairly interesting individual joined my department at work. He was a charismatic person and had a similar personality both to my best friend there and me as well. Needless to say, we took to him quickly and he quickly became accepted into our small group of silly assholes. We would all tell awful jokes just to make each other laugh and we could all play off of each other. He seemed like one of us.

Looks can be deceiving, however. As time went on we learned that he did not necessarily match up with the image with which he had presented himself. We had trusted him to manage our products and deployment timelines and he was incapable of doing so since our deadlines consistently slipped.

It wasn’t his fault that the deadlines were slipping but it was the way he was reporting it that was dishonest. We would tell him that we had deadlines planned for several months and we would have our teams re-structured and then the project plans would only show extensions of about a week; this went on for several months.

Eventually our boss realized the dishonesty and confronted him. He wasn’t able to defend his actions and was promptly let go on the spot since he was still within his probationary period. This is where the story gets interesting and takes an awful turn; up until this point I had considered this guy a friend.

The Investigation

Not too long after the guy was let go, my boss came to me with a request that I wasn’t used to based on his personality. I’d worked for him for years and it still caught me by surprise.

Boss: “Hawk, I need you to do something for me”
Me: “Sure, what do you need?”
Boss: “Look through his laptop”, he said as he handed me the guy’s laptop
Me: “Okay… what am I looking for?”
Boss: “Any documents he had that we need. If you come across anything inappropriate, document it and keep moving”
Me (knowing my boss well enough to know something was up): “Sir?”
Boss: “We’ll talk later”
Me: “Understood”
Boss: “I don’t need a full forensic investigation” (this statement was a red flag to me)
Me: “Then what the hell am I looking for?”
Boss: “There might be some pornographic material on that laptop” (the department purchased the laptop so it was company property)
Me: “Might be?” (at this point I’m convinced I’m not getting the full story)
Boss: “Again, I’ll tell you later”
Me: “Got it. I’m on it” (I now know that he knows I’ll find something)

I began my investigation. I went through the entire laptop and I picked up four artifacts of pornographic material left on the hard drive. It was definitely disgusting (I didn’t know the guy had a scat fetish) but nothing was illegal. I made my report and called it a day. We turned the laptop over to the central IT department to do an official investigation but I was confident in my findings since they were right in front of me.

A few days went by without incident and everything had gotten back to normal.

My boss pulls me aside at the end of the week with this look in his eyes. I’d seen that look before and I’ve seen it since; he’s hiding something from me and he’s trying to figure out how to tell me.

Boss: “I want to give you an update on his laptop”
Me: “Okay, shoot”
Boss: “They didn’t find anything inappropriate on it”
Me: “Of course they didn’t. They’re completely fucking incompetent!” (I used that exact language; I was PISSED).
Boss: “I know. They are. But they also didn’t find anything to be provided to the police department”

Now, I’ve worked with law enforcement in the past and I’m still directly associated with a police department now. I now had more questions than answers since I had never had any inkling that this would need to go to the LEOs. My boss also knows my history working with law enforcement as well as my current status so I’m certain he was telling me as professional courtesy.

Me: “…why would it need to go to the police department?”
Boss: “The child porn”

I lost it at this point and it was directed entirely at him. My boss and I see a lot of each other within each other so there are certain things we only say to each other. We’ve also had a lot of the same life experiences and there are some things only I’m allowed to say to him and sometimes vulgarity is necessary to accentuate the point.

Boss: “I thought I mentioned it”
Me: “The hell you did! You need to tell me what’s really going on here!”

I was beyond pissed that something like that had been hidden from me especially when all I want to do is put pedophiles behind bars and my boss knows it. What came next was a real shit sandwich:

Boss: “I was told about this not too long ago but the person that told me sat on it for about five months”
Me: “What the fuck…” (my eyes were red with anger by this point)
Me: “The evidence was GONE when I investigated! I could have caught this asshole if I had just been told when it happened!”

He then proceeded to tell me how it had been discovered entirely by accident by another employee when she was working on the guy’s laptop. A whole bunch of browser tabs had popped open with the content in it; at least the guy wasn’t smart.

This bastard got away and as far as I know he still hasn’t paid for possession of child porn. These people don’t stop; I just want someone to nail him before he escalates to hurting some innocent kid. All I hope for is that my equivalent finds him and catches him at the next company this asshole goes to. Once he’s behind bars then justice will have been served.

Second Incident

The Build-Up

My second case in this tale came about a few weeks ago. This one genuinely pissed me off since I looped in both one of my LEO friends as well as a former police psychologist so the three of us could work this together as a team. These cases are hard since having a victim open up is always difficult but there are times you can’t help feeling like you’ve gotten the run-around; it’s especially difficult when the victim is a child.

I’m a member of a fairly-large group of people who have either grown up around the military, are current/former military, or have an affinity for the military. I’m also a member of several LEO groups. This isn’t me dick-measuring with anyone but it’s just me mentioning how I see things and how I hear about things.

One of the members got wasted and posted his ex-girlfriend’s number in the group under the heading “Fucking Bitch”. I figured something wasn’t right so I texted her. I didn’t exactly know what I was getting myself into at that point. I soon found out.

The Investigation

I texted her and found out she lived across state lines from me. That immediately presented itself as a problem since I was now needing to operate within the laws of her state and not that of her home state. I learned them quickly so that did not present itself as an issue.

She and I began talking more and I found out she was seventeen. I had previously looked-up the area code of her phone and had found that it was within a certain state and our discussions had confirmed it; the age of consent there was lower than my home state. That in and of itself made me uneasy but I pressed on as a good investigator.

The entire time I wanted her to see me as a friend and we were just having a friendly conversation about life. We told each other stories about stuff that had nothing to do with what I was actually driving at but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by attacking the issue immediately.

She wound up giving me information and all kinds of details. I figured I could nail her asshole ex-boyfriend on statutory rape since the year where they had dated and had been sexually active had been before she could legally give consent since she had told me her birthday. She was very open about details and seemed like she was working with me toward that resolution.

Once I wanted to take it to law enforcement and get the bastard put away, she suddenly decided that nothing had happened. My entire case fell apart in a minute. I could not proceed at all. I had spent three days talking to her and getting her to open up to me; she divulged details.

Unfortunately, when I asked again when they had dated and had been active she gave me two different years and couldn’t remember. If it was one year she would have been able to give consent legally; if it was another it would have been statutory. That irritated me more than anything; I had the bastard and now he was being protected and the person that I had considered the victim was the one protecting him.

I contacted my LEO friend that I had looped-in and told him what was going on and there was really nothing I could do according to him either. To this day I feel like she was protecting him and just didn’t want to get him in trouble.


I had two massive failures in a row. One would have been bad enough but the two compounded each other. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I wound up falling into a shitty feeling that took over a week to climb out of since I felt like I had two failures (though only one I was directly involved in).

Sometimes you can’t help people and it’s a hard reality of life. It’s one I’m still struggling to accept but I’m getting better at it. It’s absolutely still a hard pill to swallow since I want to help everyone. I got too close in both of these cases and I suffered for it.

I solved it by immersing myself in my work outside of all of this. It gave me something to focus on that had nothing to do with child cases since they really bothered me.

On This Day

On this day fifteen years ago a bunch of assholes thought it would be a good idea to attack America. They took several thousand innocent lives with them.

I remember that day as though it were yesterday. I’ll copy-and-paste something I have written several times today:

Where were you? It’s like yesterday to me.

I remember. I was getting ready for school (6th grade) and watching KTLA 5; my mom and I did that every morning. I even remember what I ate that morning; she was in the kitchen making waffles for me.

The tower already had smoke coming from it and it was being described as an accident. The first plane had already hit.

I watched the second plane hit and explode live. My mom asked what happened and I told her. I was young but I knew something was wrong.

When I got to school every teacher was watching TV and every class was either talking about it or was watching the news for updates.

Both that day and what I saw are burned into my brain forever.

I hope you are living each day to the fullest because you never know when your life will end. Make every day count.

Today (and every day) we remember all of those lost.

The “Nice Guy” Cure

1. Right Out of the Gate

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do you wonder why no woman ever wants you?
  2. Do you keep yourself up at night with fantastical visions of a perfect life with a perfect wife?
  3. Do you want a lifelong commitment without a modicum of effort?

Do these questions seem familiar to you?

Okay, maybe you’re not the loser I described. Are you on the sidelines, though? Are you the kind of person that never seems to get the girl but always winds up wiping away her tears? Can you just never get a break?

Are you doomed to playing the fool your entire life?

There are two answers here: the short answer and the long answer. The short answer is that it is absolutely possible to break out of your shell. The long answer is that it is going to take some work and some serious introspection. Are you ready for that? Only you will know for sure.

Be aware that this in no way guarantees you will attain the object of your affection. In all honesty I couldn’t care less. You will, however, learn to see the world the way that it is and without the rose-colored glasses through which you have been conditioned to see life.

Read on, son… you might just learn something!

2. The Painful Truth

You’re really not all that nice. As a matter of fact you’re most-likely a dick as well as someone that would easily collapse in a fight. There is nothing physically or mentally redeeming about you. You have absolutely no physical merit and the psychological prowess upon which you pride yourself is laughable at best. You tell yourself that you are somehow superior to “the others” and you live your life based on that which you have completely invented in your own mind. There is truly nothing redeemable about you. Why should anyone, let alone women, want to spend their time around you?

You’ve never been tested in combat. I’m not talking about playful fighting; I’m talking about serious hand-to-hand “if you lose, you die” combat. You have never truly been fighting for you life and have never been in a state where a single mistake will end your existence.

If you HAVE ever been in a real combat situation then you have not learned anything about humanity or attraction as a result. Either of those two outcomes results in an individual that is maladjusted to propagate his genes into the next generation: in essence, there is no hope for you.

That stings, right? The problem exists entirely within YOU. You can blame others as much as you want; however, at some point you have to take responsibility for your situation.

There is, of course, a cure. That cure, however, comes with a heavy dose of self-analysis first and a desire to fix that which is wrong. If you do not have the intestinal fortitude to do so then you should stop reading at this point; it only gets more difficult from here. If you do possess the requisite strength and desire for self-improvement then you may absolutely continue on.

3. The First Step

The first step is admitting you’re not able to summon the courage to go and approach women in real life. Online games and dating sites (OKCupid, EHarmony, PlentyOfFish, etc) do not count; you need to out and have real interactions with real people. Without face-to-face interaction you’re pretty much doomed.

I know that it absolutely seems frightening at first. Anything worth doing takes practice, right? I’m not a fan of e-sports (you all need to be outside playing real sports) but I can use it in an analogy. Let’s take a common game (CS:GO) as an example:

  • You need to have individual skill to succeed at certain maps in CS:GO
  • You need to work well in a team to succeed at certain maps in CS:GO

There is at least one condition in which you have to work well as a team in order to succeed. In order to work well in a team you cannot do anything you want to do at any given time; you need to make sacrifices for the forward momentum of the team as a whole. The team depends on the actions of all of the individuals combined.

Once you can function without thinking entirely of yourself you are ready to move on to the next step.

4. The Second Step

Approach, approach, approach.

Human interaction may be terrifying. It’s similar for anyone that is trying to free themselves from the shell they have constructed.

You already know you can provide for yourself. You already know you can provide for your team. That says nothing regarding people outside of either of these two groups. In order to engage with people outside of your comfort zone you have to break from your normal routine and talk with individuals with whom you would otherwise have nothing in common.

Still a gamer? Get “Pokemon Go” onto your phone (Android or iPhone). It will get you outside and will open you up to an immense amount of possibilities. Spend some time in your town going around and catching Pokemon. It may seem stupid at first but the more you do it you will see the potential benefit. The more you see the potential benefit the more you will be in a position to reap it.

A large amount of the college-age population has decided to go out and hunt for Pokemon on their phones. It will absolutely seem silly at first based on the previous paragraph but consider the results:

  1. You’re actively walking around. You won’t be merely taking up space.
  2. You’ll eventually know the lore and can talk intelligently about it.
  3. Being active equates to exercise. Physical activity augments or replaces intellectual capability and creates a well-rounded person.

You can speak ill of the phone app all you want but the results speak for themselves.

5. The Third Step

Stop believing the crap you see on /r/seduction (seddit) and instead focus on your goals. Ask yourself these three questions:

  1. What do you want to accomplish in your life?
  2. What do you need to attain your goals?
  3. What is standing in the way of accomplishing your goals?

At this point you should have already gotten to the point where you realize you are in control of your life and you are the only person that should be held accountable. You have already removed all toxic influences.

Your task at this point? Go forth and make what you want out of life!

What the Hell, Hawk?

Suffice it to say I have not been around too much lately. The last thing I posted was my instructions for cooking a roast in a pressure cooker. Despite the fact the recipe resulted in a delicious end result the general goal of the site had not been met.

What was the goal, you ask? The original goal of this site was to help men break from the shackles of their own self-demonization and to realize their potential as individuals. The language used is often direct and at times caustic but that is the only way that some folks will learn. I see absolutely no merit in the “safe spaces” being demanded by people either currently-attending or admitted to college. The concept of a “safe space” is contrary to the foundation of our society and has no place in a free exchange of ideas. That is a subject for a different day.

Why have I been gone, you ask? Simply put I have been focusing on the well-being of my students. They come before everything. They derive the benefit of tutilege in an environment free of societal judgment. Suffice it to say they are free to grow.

I have not forgotten about you all and I can comfortably say you have not forgotten about me. I went onto my Twitter account for the first time in God-knows-how-long, made a statement, and was IMMEDIATELY greeted with supportive responses. Apparently you all still have some kind of love for me and for that I am immensely grateful.

Keep your heads high and your necks strong. I always have something brewing!

Cooking as a Man


The kitchen has been known as the realm of the woman for decades. Men have been known only for grilling capabilities when it comes to preparing food; it really is important that every man know how to grill a steak or a burger to the perfect temperature but that is beside the point. With the advent of technology the barrier to entry of cooking has steadily dropped and there is a much lower chance that even the most unknowing soul can destroy the kitchen.

The Meat and Potatoes

Fuck vegetables. One of the sexiest things a man can do is know how to prepare a basic meat main course. According to widespread idiocy the “modern man” would have no need for cookery or would decide on a wussy option (I swear I want to punch everyone at the Washington Post in the head several times) but as red-pill males we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit. In that case the “modern man” is not a man at all but a whiny little bitch who deserves to have his skull crushed at the first opportunity. Men are men and our eating preferences show it.

We’re talking meat here. Nothing but the delicious and savory parts of the cow. As we have technology we now have quicker ways of preparing main courses. One of those ways is the digital pressure cooker; a digital pressure cooker allows for quicker preparation of food and an infusion of flavor.

How does this apply to you? Let’s dive into the recipe.

The Recipe

The first thing you’ll want to do is get a cut of meat that lends itself well to a pressure cooker. Nobody is going to throw a filet mignon in there; I’m not even going to eat something like that since I like a large steak myself. The cuts I usually go with balance price and quality and I’ve noticed that a two-pound cut of Top Round Roast will be received well (after much experience, of course). I’ve cooked this recipe several times and have perfected it to the point that it should suit a general palate. I only use two spices but they combine perfectly.

This roast serves two to four people based on appetite.


  • 2 lb Top Round Roast (any cut can be substituted as long as it is a two-pounder)
  • 2 cups of liquid (I use water)
  • Granulated garlic
  • Granulated onion


  1. Place the roast into the pressure cooker
  2. Pour the liquid into the pressure cooker
  3. Season the garlic and onion into the pressure cooker to taste; I make sure I get a layer of both on top of everything (hint: the secret to a great pressure cooker roast is to season the liquid as well as the meat so your steam is infused with flavor as well)
  4. Set the cook time for 27 minutes (roughly 13 minutes a pound)
  5. Start the pressure cooker and you’re done
  6. The roast will cook
  7. When the roast is done cooking, release the pressure valve to do a “quick” release lasting between 30 and 45 seconds

The cooker may take up to ten minutes to build pressure so your total time is usually about 37 or 38 minutes.

This is my four-quart pressure cooker: CooksEssentials 4 QT Digital Stainless Steel Pressure Cooker. Non-stick is an amazing thing and it drastically reduces the amount of effort that goes into clean-up.

The Result

When you follow the aforementioned instructions you will get a nice medium-rare roast every single time. You may have to play with the distribution of the spices (granulated garlic and onion) in order to match the desired taste. I usually just go by smell; if I smell the concoction before cooking and it puts a smile on my face then I know it’s good to go. Your mileage may vary spice-wise, however.


Even seasoning with the granulated garlic and onion

Even seasoning with the granulated garlic and onion

The finished fully-cooked roast

The finished fully-cooked roast

A view inside the cooked roast. Medium-rare!

A view inside the cooked roast. Medium-rare!


Every man worth his salt should be able to prepare at least a single meat main course. This entry has provided instructions and advice for preparing a two-pound roast. I usually pair my meat with a whiskey selection but that’s all up to you. As a final thought, knowing how to cook something like this will solidify your skill as a cook even though it’s a basic course. Go forth and cook, gentlemen!

Women are Particular Creatures

This marks my first post since May; I have been out in the field as well as training my engineering students for the last five months (I got promoted to the Head of IT within the last few months so that has been occupying the majority of my time but that’s neither here nor there) so I really haven’t had time to write down my experiences or even try to be creative in my wordsmithery (not a word but it is now).

How does this pertain to you? I’ve come to a certain realization after quite a while courting and experiencing the feminine mind: women LOVE when you screw with them. Men need to have a balance of playful assholery and complete disregard; the mixture varies based on the individual. Identifying when to execute it results in an “always” while in the early stages of courting. An execution of “sometimes” in conjunction with the intermediate phases will also lead to success as well. The primary issue here is identifying the state of the individual with whom you are conversing and applying just the right amount of forwardness in order to keep the communication flowing.

All things considered this is fairly basic game but it takes the aforementioned blend in order to make it work. Let’s take the following playful example:

Woman: “I’m going to destroy you!”
Man: “With kisses”

Now the ball is back in her court and she’s thinking about how she can gain the advantage here. However, since we escalated it she’s now thinking about having a lip-lock and there are very few things we can do in order to screw that up. If she responds favorably we’re golden; if not it all depends on the attitude. Attitude is considerably more important than how the message is written; if you can get across a confident persona you’ll be in the zone even if the message is lacking. Women are drawn to raw confidence so that has to be how you portray yourself outwardly. Remember that the devil is in the details and the outward projection is more important than the inner feelings; if you project confidence (even if you are nervous as hell inside) then your audience will pick up on that confidence. Of course it has to be done well but strong inner game (i.e. confidence) is the first step; knowing yourself and tailoring your reactions to certain situations is key.

Women love a playful man. Those who do not give a straight answer and are great about it are valued considerably higher than those who are direct in their answers. Women enjoy the hunt as much as men do. Knowing how to leverage that is key in any interaction. When dealing with a common situation such as this the key is to place the ball back in her court; she will always respond better to a man who is interested in her when he doesn’t show it. It’s all in being able to toy with her.

Stay cool and collected in the face of a woman who is trying your patience when she is doing it with a smile. Play on her weak points and keep an air of humor about yourself in order to achieve the result you desire.