Defeatism: Where Self-Improvement Withers

A while back I was on Reddit and /r/foreveralone happened to be one of the trending subreddits on the front page. My first thought was “Okay, I’ve seen the Forever Alone Guy used in rage comics so let’s check this out. Maybe it will be funny”. I had a very uncomfortable realization upon entering the sub: these are some of the most depressed people I’ve ever seen and everyone just sits around enabling each other more often than not. The tagline is “Forever Alone, Together!”

Front page of /r/foreveralone

Front page of /r/foreveralone right now

Holy shit. There almost aren’t words to describe just how sad this whole situation is; I truly feel for these people. You know you’ve gone the wrong way down the rabbit hole when the place has information for the Suicide Hotline on the right side-bar. How do you get so far down that the only thing you can do is either think of offing yourself or coming into a community of people thinking about doing the same thing at one point or another?

The Most Dangerous Enemy of Self-Improvement

As I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’ve visited that sub (along with the huge red flag that the third post in the image says “Proof that relationship is the single biggest indicator of happiness in life”) you’ve found a constant feeling of defeatism. The reason I’m saying this is the most vicious enemy against self-improvement is that feeling comes from within; no external factors tell you you’re worthless. This feeling can be created based on outside failures but at the end of the day it’s entirely the one who failed who hammers the feeling of worthlessness into his brain. “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not attractive enough”, and “I can’t do anything right” are common subjects you’ll find there.

This group runs into a problem or a perceived failure and then completely obsesses over it. Occasionally it even becomes a dick-measuring contest regarding who’s the most alone or unworthy of life. Trying to one-up each other on who’s the most depressed is something I’ve only ever seen narcissistic teenagers try.

Sadly, Help is a Foreign Concept

You know there’s a problem when even /r/TheBluePill despises you.

If there was ever a group of people that needed a strong dose of the red pill it would be these folks. With thread titles like “Do you put women on a pedestal?” and comments like “I do and I enjoy it” you can even see that lack of success with women drives a lot of their mindset. Who had this idea in his head in recent media? Yeah, I’m talking about that dink Elliot Rodger. Countless media sources report on him as being either “red-pill” or a “failed red-piller”; he wasn’t a failed RPer. He was as blue as they come and never even tried to improve his situation but just bitched about it until he decided to kill a bunch of people.

However, whenever help is offered it is strongly rebuffed under the guise of something akin to “you just don’t understand my situation”. Doesn’t that also sound familiar? The kind of help they need is also even mocked but it’s given in such large doses that it probably wouldn’t help anyway. You wind up getting sarcastic bullshit like this thread mocking improvement when in reality that’s exactly the path these people need to be taking in order to get some value out of life. You also get threads that come so close to getting it and then the top-rated comment is a derisive “Been hitting those red pills pretty hard lately?” I’ve noticed somewhat of a trend where the people that are close to improving (not those that have successfully gotten out of an FAer mindset) are completely shut down because the responder can’t handle truth.

These kinds of people need the larger picture broken down into small manageable steps just like we would tell a non-depressed person who was new to TRP. The steps are similar but they have to be more focused on breaking a FAer out of their shell on the Internet as opposed to having them gung-ho approaching people in real-life and running game.

Hawk’s Self-Help Steps for FAers

Before you start the list please recognize that these steps are sequential. They are meant to be completed in order without any skipping.

  1. Cut contact and unsubscribe from /r/foreveralone. They’re not helping; they’re just enabling your situation.
  2. Jump onto Steam; it’s okay to use video games as a crutch for now since they have the potential for social interaction and a lot of FAers aren’t ready to make connections face-to-face just yet.
  3. Join some Steam Groups based on your interests over at the Steam Community.
    1. These groups often offer “Group Chat” so you can talk to people who also share your interests
  4. Jump into the group chat every so often if there are other people there so you can strike up conversations and at least have people to talk to
    1. CRITICAL: Do not bring up your Forever Alone views or how much you hate your life. You’re here to make happy connections not wallow in the same problem that caused everything in the first place.
  5. If you get close with a few people you enjoy talking to, try using the Send Message feature of Steam after you get them on your Friend List. That way you can talk to them one-on-one and form singular human connections.
  6. If you’ve joined a Steam Group that’s related to a game, play that game with some people from that group or your friends from Step 5.
  7. Hit the gym and lift or hit some cardio (yes, this will always be a part of self-improvement lists regardless of who the list is tailored for). This will help your confidence with your own self-image and that will be critical for you to start making face-to-face connections. You want to play to your strengths here to build your confidence.
  8. When you’re confident in your ability and you’ve formed meaningful relationships online it’s time for you to move into real-life. Talk to people about anything while waiting in line for coffee, waiting to check out at the register of the grocery store, anywhere you can find people.
    1. This step will be awkward as hell but each new conversation will build up your image more and more in that you’re able to talk to new people and before you know it you’ll converse effortlessly in real-life.
  9. Repeat steps 7 through 9 as you move through life and it will become second-nature to you. It takes work but you won’t feel so alone any longer.
    1. It’s okay to fall back on steps 4 through 6 every so often if you just need to talk to someone and you’re striking out at real-life conversations. At least you’ll be having interactions. However, you should not give up on steps 7 through 9 as you’re doing this, though.

Improvement is Possible

Every so often you’ll see threads on the sub that talk about finally getting the courage to change themselves and go back out into the world. One of the more recent ones I’ve seen is “It’s been fun, but I’m not FA anymore”. That’s the mark of someone who recognized the problem, took initiative, and started working toward a better life. Bravo, brother.

Unfortunately posts like these are far and few between.


Nobody is going to fix your situation for you; you have to be the one to step up, say “I’m sick of this”, and start on the path of changing your life. That’s the core component of what we preach when we discuss red-pill philosophy. It takes a lot of work to get from a suicidally-depressed state to one where you enjoy life and can form connections effortlessly and it’s admittedly difficult. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, though; the end result will be like night and day and you’ll be a better person for it.


One thought on “Defeatism: Where Self-Improvement Withers

  1. Pingback: Defeatism: Where Self-Improvement Withers |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s