The Complete Bastard’s Guide to Gender

If you’re a rational person, gender is the exact same as sex: there are two options and that’s where the variety ends. I can sum it up with the following quote: “You’re more than welcome to believe you’re a dragon trapped in a human’s body but basic biology doesn’t work like that, my special-snowflake sweetie-pie”. I have some soul-crushing truth to lay upon you if you are ignorant of the two-party system that Nature has provided for all of humanity.

I’d like to take a moment at the introduction to mention that the article I’m about to reference was written in the Opinion section for the student newspaper of some crappy liberal-arts college. Because it is college-level it is therefore subject to my derision (i.e. I generally won’t take on high-school rags and lower unless the insanity reaches critical levels but college publications are free game) and I have thereby set the tone for the rest of my post. You can read it below to get an idea of what I’m talking about:

I’d also like to point out that the author obviously sounds like a guy. This is important since it speaks to an entirely different problem in our society than just some idiot writing about pronouns.

Every Epidemic Has Carriers

I’m not saying that this poor bastard set the events into motion that will eventually collapse our society; he’s obviously not Patient Zero since this has been going on for a while but he’s the one that upsets me the most. Just like Morgan Freeman and Dustin Hoffman (see Outbreak if you haven’t) I’m attempting to battle against a rampant disease that pervades the souls and minds of unsuspecting individuals. Contrary to Outbreak, though, this merely leads to mental and emotional death as opposed to drawn-out physical pain and suffering.

Call it whatever you want. I prefer to refer to it as its true form: attention-whoring in the name of equality. As a rhetorical question I’d say “Gee, where have we heard this before?” I’m sure my readers here can come up with tons of examples and I’ve discussed it frequently in the past so I won’t wax poetic on it here.

Tumblr is the most poignant example of when people who have never had to experience any kind of hardship in their lives decide to self-diagnose themselves with mental disorders and pretend to be anything other than human. I can hear you thinking “who would be stupid enough to do this” and there’s only one thing I can say to you: head on over to /r/TumblrInAction for in-the-field examples of this mentality. You can’t go a day without coming across a post regarding how someone on Tumblr is trying to figure out how to come out to his parents / friends / authority figures about how he’s really a dragon / horse / pokemon trapped in a human body.

What can these meatbags teach us? It’s simple, really: be happy you aren’t this insane.

Oppression Where There Is None

In a society where such things are virtually non-existent the perpetually-offended among us must find novel ways in which to bring their drivel to the masses. Such is the content of the article into which I shall attempt to delve.

Option A: “Let’s go around and say your name, your year, your major and where you’re from.”

Option B: “Let’s go around and say your name, your pronouns, your year, your major and where you’re from.”

These are the two options a leader has when directing a group introduction. What’s the difference? Option B is inclusive to students of all genders, discourages assumption-making, makes sure there’s no uncomfortable misgendering later, and shows that pronoun choice is just as deliberate for a cisgendered female using she/her/hers as for a trans person using ze/zir/zirs.

It’s a strong start straight out of the gate.  The only difference between Option A and Option B is not that of inclusiveness but rather that of liberal tautology and the acceptance of mental abnormality that its practitioners seek to be recognized as normal. Of course as a sane society we would never stoop to these levels but it doesn’t stop people like this from trying. You really have to admire their commitment to such an ill-guided cause regardless of how hysterically-repugnant and one-sided it may be.

Mis-gendering, as it is applied here, generally results from a visual defect. In most cases, someone who would otherwise be classified as female decides to make herself look like a twelve-year-old boy. The outrage comes from the fact that we didn’t recognize this “strong independent woman” as anything other than other vapid example of feminism gone crazy. You all know by this time that I call it as I see it and have no qualms referring to such a short-haired pariah as the exact same thing for which she campaigns.

Cisgendered is always code for “please don’t listen to me since my ideas are so meaningless that I have to use a made-up word in order to get anything across to the masses; please agree with me!” Nothing more should be said here aside from the fact that these people are harming legitimate discourse.

False Equality Fails Unequivocally

The article continues with the following mental gymnastics:

Option A: leaves students whose pronouns can’t be correctly assumed with two (often uncomfortable) options.

Option A1: Say their pronouns after their name, singling them out as The One With Different Pronouns.

Option A2: Say just their name like everyone else and have to correct someone later after being all-but-inevitably misgendered.

Just like I alluded above, the solution for the “student(s) whose pronouns can’t be correctly assumed” is to dress like your biological sex. How hard is that to do? If you’re so concerned with being labeled anything different than what you truly are then maybe you shouldn’t have cut your hair in stupid way (for females) or worn fishnet everything (for males). Your alleged “mis-gendering” (and even that hurts me to say since I’m sure it will come about as a legitimate verb) is entirely your fault and that of nobody else. If you don’t like being perceived as a certain identity then you are more than welcome to change it; however, everyone else has the right to draw criticism of your chosen and admittedly stupid identity as it persists. Freedom of speech always translates into freedom from that speech in any free society like this one so be prepared for your detractors.

Attempting to Rationalize Stupidity

No matter where I go, the protest I always hear in objection to doing pronouns is “it’s too big of a question to ask during a quick go-around.”

No. It’s not. The only people who think it’s a big deal to share pronouns are the people who “don’t need to do it.”

Think of it this way: We all have names we go by. Sometimes they’re what’s on our passport, sometimes they’re a variation, sometimes they’re a different name altogether. You might be the seventh Devaughn in your family, you might be named Sumathy after a beloved great-aunt, you might go by a your middle name, Katalyna, to avoid confusion because you share a first name with your mother. But when you introduce yourself, everyone just needs to know your name—what to call you. Pronouns are the same way. While pronouns can carry connotations or stories with them, they’re really just, at the end of the day, what a person wants to be called.

At what point does forced adherence to falseness qualify as “too big of a question to ask”? He follows up with “the only people who think it’s a big deal to share pronouns are the people who don’t need to do it”. Of course that makes perfect sense. Nobody NEEDS to do it. I’m not going to contribute to some liberal-arts student’s mental illness by enabling their insane worldview and I’d like to imagine that at least some of the students at that godforsaken institution feel the same way and are grounded in reality. For the rest: let’s just go ahead and bastardize the entire English language and make our speech completely intelligible with false words and a complete lack of sentence structure. Of course, all of the aforementioned issues are perfectly fine in the vein of political-correctness and including everyone, right? Right?

The Fallacy Expands

Likewise, here’s a conversation you would never have with a stranger.

Person 1: “Hey Sam!”

Person 2: “Uh, my name’s not Sam—it’s Cedric.”

Person 1: “Yeah, but you look like a Sam, so I’m just gonna call you Sam.”

We don’t assume names by looking at people, so why should we assume pronouns?

Of course that’s a conversation you would never have with a stranger and the logical fallacy presents itself here. Calling someone by the wrong name is something that would only be done if you truly couldn’t remember said name but said misgendering is entirely visual. Take one look at an androgynous person and tell me that you didn’t have a difficult time trying to figure out exactly what gender he/she was in order not to offend he/her when it comes to referring to said person. I can almost guarantee that in our “modern” (and I use that word loosely) society everyone has experienced that at least once.

We assume pronouns because they are done entirely on the visual characteristics of the person to which we are referring. That’s just human nature. Are you trying to deny nature? If someone looks like a man we refer to them as a man; similarly, if someone looks like a woman we refer to them as a woman. The dichotomy can best be described in a similar situation that I found myself in earlier tonight. I ventured into my favorite Japanese restaurant looking to procure some sustenance when I saw her: long straight brown hair and dressed in a kimono. It was great and I was absolutely thinking of doing an approach… until she/he/it turned around. What I now saw before me was absolutely a male (I use the word “man” sparingly) who had taken care of his hare and had primped his appearance to appear womanly. I swear this poor bastard was an easy candidate for MtF transition and surgery but I had as much as I could stomach so I grabbed my order and high-tailed it out of there.

Foreigners Aren’t Even Safe

The other protest I’ve heard, especially in my work with kids, is “it’s too complex of a topic.” Again, it’s not. The past two summers, I’ve taught at a program with 13- and 14-year olds, one-third of whom were not from the United States; and, for about as many students, English was not their first language. The first day of class, I asked the students to share their name, pronouns, and other information relevant to the activity we were doing. “Tell us what you want to be called: your name, and what pronouns you want us to use for you, because just like we don’t assume names, we don’t assume pronouns. So for me, I’m Max, and I use ze/zir/zirs or they/them/theirs, and I’m your instructor.”

This guy is absolutely right; it’s not “too complex of a topic”. There are two genders and those that think differently are either complete idiots or mentally-disturbed. Doesn’t sound too complicated to me.

“Tell us what you want to be called” leaves the door open for too many interpretations and further bastardization of the English language. I refuse to call an obvious female a “he” and I’m equally-opposed to calling an obvious male a “she”. Even when I taught I was the exact same way. I don’t play into the politically-correct interpretation for any of this. You can use ze/zir/zirs all you want but you can rest well at knowing that I’m going to reject completely this attack on language and the creation of stupid words. I’m not going to recognize your non-existent gender just because you came up with a few words and made a flag in MS Paint. You have absolutely zero legitimacy and should always be seen that way through your peers. Wanting to re-define language can be your thing and you can own it but don’t expect native speakers to be on-board with your stupid ideas just because you brought them up; that’s not how the real world works. The real world requires proof and you have absolutely none.


Can I really give a conclusion here? The things that I have set forth speak for themselves and if anything is to be concluded it’s that the current state of affairs should reign dominant and that these deviant thoughts should have absolutely no place in our discourse.


A Wild SJW Appears

A velociraptor runs giddily across an empty field chasing his detected prey of the day.

A pterodactyl screeches overhead as he observes the scene from the sky.

A stegosaurus wanders around in search of plant life and accessible trees for consumption.

Meanwhile, the SJW emerges from his cave after a long morning of cognitive dissonance and inability to separate facts from feelings. Remnants of the typically-inert yet poisonous-in-large-quantities substance Cheetoria Cheddarismus adorn his unkempt beard as his mind fills with lust for the inaccessible symbols of pleasure that do not include his own fleshy member.

I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this; I’m somewhat a fan of the Cretaceous Period and I have absolutely zero respect for the run-of-the-mill SJW on Twitter. Allow me to provide some backing evidence before I delve too deeply. Here’s exactly what I said:

Exactly what I wrote and nothing more

Exactly what I wrote and nothing more

Granted, I’m a dick. Here’s the reaction I received to the following with few instances of support and the majority of replies being of the white-knight variety (read bottom-to-top):

Twitter begins its imploding

Twitter begins its imploding

It sure didn’t stop there and there was more to be reaped from the vapid mindset of the general social justice warrior (bottom to top continuing from the image above):

Idiocy from the SJW movement aganist their fair maiden

Idiocy from the SJW movement against their fair maiden

I’m thankful that I have been able to encounter the SJW in its natural caveman environment otherwise I’d think it was just yet another element of the mythology for which I’d study.

Very little support was given and why should it be? My favorite comment is from @fracture7924 encouraging me to keep kicking ass and taking names just like I always have; however, the majority of the responses weren’t nearly that positive. The position of logic and reason has taken a back-seat to feelings and a lack of burden of proof. I maintain that this idiot Quinn is completely deserving of every single thing she receives as a result of this entire “movement”. I hesitate to call some hashtag bullshit activism as “GamerGate” a “movement” since it will inevitably collapse under the own weight as its apathy but it can currently show us the solipsism of the female mind as well as the willingness to accept such a stance as normal from the “male” (used very loosely here) to accept it as normal.

I issue an open challenge to the SJWs: please attempt to rationalize the actions of this idiot Quinn either online or real-life. The evidence shows that she attention-whored (and in some circumstances literally whored) herself out for groups who would hinder and distort the truth. Apparently actions don’t have consequences and the warriors as described are willing to deafen themselves to the true situation as it exists.

Trying to find any rhyme or reason for the Quinnspiracy is like playing a three-shell game: you don’t realize exactly what’s going on unless you’re watching the situation with a cold calculating mindset. You have to remain completely logical otherwise feelings can work their way into a completely fact-based argument; the long and short is that she was a whore and wound up suffering the consequences for her actions. Any kind of “harassment” she may have suffered is entirely her own fault and she should not have done stupid things if she didn’t want the consequences to blow back on her.

She complains that women are harassed frequently online. News flash, sweetheart: everyone is harassed because IT’S THE INTERNET. Your crappy non-game may have not touched on the subject but everyone on the Internet gets harassed by everyone else; if you can’t handle it then there’s a good chance you should get up, log off, and go outside since you’re too weak to accept the fact that the Internet isn’t a kind place and will always find something for which to assault. Obviously you haven’t been on the Internet too long and haven’t seen that the Internet can do these things; turn your computer off, go outside, and focus on something in your life that has nothing to do with that electronic influence. Of course you can’t do that since your entire platform focuses on feeble-minded people (read: SJWs) to push your agenda.

Where can we go from here? Obviously the existence of SJWs is a virus on our community and can’t be treated as anything otherwise. A virus depends on a host in order to survive and a SJW depends on perceived outrage in order to survive from the very people it seeks to victimize; it’s a never-ending cycle with these people.

Once a SJW appears you can be sure that your arguments no longer hold stock and that feels > reals in every situation when that person is involved.

Trust Issues and Blame-Shifting

My Office Culture is Quite Receptive to Self-Improvement

One of the guys in my office is a textbook beta in emotion and mannerisms. I have absolutely nothing against the guy and I really do like him; he’s a fantastic graphic designer and a decent programmer but I need to give you an idea of what I’m dealing with here. I do like to see myself as the male mentor of the office since I’m asked for advice on practically everything that comes up and not just about women. A few days ago he asked three of us (myself, another engineer, and one of our UX/UI guys) for some advice about something that reared its ugly head in his relationship; the four of us were all sitting together in one part of the office shooting the shit and he brought it up.

The two of them recently moved-in together but they have been in a LTR for about seven years. From what he told us, she and he got into a fight and he actually told her to leave the apartment (per similar advice I gave him a couple of weeks ago regarding a different fight over messaging some other guy on Facebook with the vein of “if it happens again”). She started texting some guy (turned out to be her manager at work and they had been getting a little too close at certain times) and he was apparently being very supportive of her situation. It’s still kind of iffy at this point but women need validation especially in a crisis situation so it’s understandable.

Advice in a Work Environment is Important

All of us see each other every day so there is always time to talk about our experiences.

What made the three of us shoot each other glances of WTF was his next revelation that she had changed this guy’s name to someone that he was actually friends with. I don’t know how he found out the phone number didn’t match the name but I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask when he was already in a bad place. Red flags went up over all three of our heads instantly.

(Bolding added where I emphasized my speech patterns during the conversation)

I said to him “Wait, wait, wait… you can’t possibly not see the problem here”. My other compatriots gave wide-eyed exaggerated nods.

He looked at me blankly.

I continued, “She obviously doesn’t want you to know she’s talking to this guy. Talking to him is one thing. Changing his name to that of one of your friends is something entirely different. She’s actively deceiving you straight-up.”

I have rarely seen such a facial expression on a man of understanding combined with a realization that he was being treated as a doormat. I had already formulated my opinion of the situation at this point and I knew it would probably hurt him but he needed to hear it so he could spare himself going through it personally.

I asked “Do you want my honest opinion of what I think is going on?” He nodded.

I said “I think she’s seeing someone else. If she isn’t fucking this guy she will be soon. She’s proven that she isn’t worthy of your trust more than once and not deserving of any more of your time or commitment. SHE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU. Why are you still holding on to her?”

The Transformation Begins

The completely crestfallen look I then saw completely beat the previous look of realization on the pathetic scale; I actually wanted to hug him until he replied with this gem:

“I just feel like I have trust issues with thinking that way about her.”

You know that twinge you get in the back of your head when you just can’t hold back? Yeah, I almost half-yelled, half-laughed about it while saying “You don’t have trust issues, the bitch has honesty issues!” More nods from the others and he actually started laughing once he realized I was trying to look out for him and not berate him. Once I said that he understood completely and the conversation became easier.

I then asked him “Are you doing anything outside of your apartment with her?” He said he’s attending a Latin dance class (this cat can MOVE) and I got that devilish smile on my face. I’m sure you know the next words out of my mouth: “Approach, approach, approach!” I then told him “Dude, you’re younger than I am; get out there, meet new people, and focus on enjoying your life instead of on some bitch who’s constantly sapping your energy; I made that mistake long ago so I’m advising you from personal experience”. It’s really true; I’m considerably happier when comparing my red-pill life to my old blue-pill life.

He told me he’d take my advice and go from there. Today he told me that he’d been out approaching and had pulled a few numbers while setting up dates. I’m immensely proud and I haven’t really seen a transformation happen so quickly in the past. I’m now also his go-to guy for advice about women and life in general so I have officially become another man’s male mentor.

The Reality of the Situation

I’ve noticed over time that the phrase “trust issues” is almost exclusively uttered by women. Why is this?

Women accuse men of having “trust issues” when a man comes to the realization that there are most likely ulterior motives behind her actions. She shifts the blame to the man because she knows what she is doing is wrong but can’t yet admit it to herself; instead she rationalizes her behavior (or “hamsters” in our parlance) until she can justify being absolved of any guilt and wrongdoing.

I’m reminded of a particular post over on /r/askTRP (I answer questions every so often over there but my username isn’t HawkWrites since I signed up for Reddit long before I ever started writing) that embodied this perfectly. It went along the lines of the following:

“I’m in a relationship with this girl and she has been sexting other guys. What do I do?”

She had also apparently been trying to hide her actions from this poor bastard. The answer is obvious to those of us that have adopted the red-pill mindset: “Drop her, engage abundance mentality, meet people, spin some plates, and take your life by the balls”. The resistance to that answer was to be expected and the gist of it was pretty much verbatim in the vein I had described above:

“I love her and I feel weird about looking into it”

Well, she obviously doesn’t love you. Why put so much of your energy into someone who can’t be bothered to show you even basic decency? As I’ve said above: “You don’t have trust issues, the bitch has honesty issues”. Men don’t have trust issues; we can’t be bothered with things of such a trivial nature. If our trust is broken we aren’t going to hem and haw over the circumstances and how we could have prevented the situation; we’re going to give a grand ol’ “fuck you” and move on. Once our trust is broken there’s absolutely no hope of getting it back since we would just be kidding ourselves and setting ourselves up for our woman’s relapse if we pursued the alternative.


A woman who busies herself by accusing you of having “trust issues” is really just projecting her own insecurities and poor choices onto you. When translated, it reads more along the lines of “I know what I’m doing is wrong and I’m going to do my damnedest to hide it from you no matter what it takes”. You don’t have trust issues; she has honesty issues.

Online Game Made Me Complacent

I was doing my regular OkCupid regimen while I was at work (I had absolutely NOTHING to do so I was free to pursue whatever dumbass thing I wanted) and I noticed a strange pattern: whereas I would have been interested in roughly half of the women I saw beforehand I couldn’t give two shits about them now.

I’ve retained some of my previous prejudices in that any reference to feminism or any SJW-related concept is an instant “no-go” and instantly necessitates a next. More and more of my matches were becoming of the “feminism” variety so I started thinking about how I displayed myself.

Again, if I see the word “feminism” in the first paragraph or in the “What I’m Looking For” section I instantly go “Not worth my time” and move on to the next viable candidate. However, was sifting through match after match really ruining my ability to go out and meet actual women? When reflecting back on it I can safely say that it wasn’t doing me any good and running Internet game was actually having a negative effect on my life since for a long time I was eschewing real face-to-face interactions in face of messaging behind a screen since I saw it as the easier alternative.

What would happen if some random chick rejected me? Ah, who the hell cares; I could just move on to the next one. This stance, of course, had both its positives and negatives. The positives were that there was absolutely no effort in moving on to the next chick since the effect of being rejected was negligible. The negative of this stemmed from the exact same thing; the effect of being rejected was negligible so there was absolutely no room to grow and strengthen against the act of rejection as a whole. I was causing myself more harm than good and actually doing myself a detriment in the long-run.

Before the above realization took place, though, I became dependent on online dating as the sole means of running game. Any player knows this is a toxic habit in which to fall but I didn’t see a problem with it at the time; I was “meeting” women without any effort so how can it be bad? It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy since your face-to-face conversational skills decline and you can’t run real-world game as effectively. I got lucky in that I saw it happening and took steps to rectify it. Now online game is completely ancillary to my face-to-face interactions and I put absolutely zero stock in the online world until I can pull a number and convert it into a real-world interaction.

Don’t fall into the same trap that I once did in thinking the online scene was the end-all-be-all of dating; it’s anything but. Your confidence shrinks and you lose your ability to talk to the alternate sex if you’re just hiding behind a screen; get out there and approach women to keep your skills and conversational abilities sharp!

Travesty and Destruction in New York

Thirteen years ago today thousands of lives were lost in a series of coordinated attacks. It was one of those events that is permanently burned into my brain and I was one of the many who had the experience of watching it happen live.

My Morning Thirteen Years Ago

My morning started like any other: I was having breakfast (I even remember that I was having waffles with whipped cream and chocolate chips) and getting ready for yet another day in middle school. My mom turned on the news (KTLA) and we expected to see the usual kinds of soft stories that were readily available on any given morning. Instead we were treated to an unforgettable scene.

The camera was focused on the first of the Twin Towers in the World Trade Center to be hit; there was a gaping hole in the building with a considerable amount of smoke pouring out. Papers and personal artifacts were blowing in the wind as they followed their descent toward the ground. The voice of the anchors was more somber than I’ve ever heard; they spoke as if they were shell-shocked as well. I was still a kid at the time and didn’t fully understand what was going on at the time; all I know is that I’d never seen that look on my mom’s face before. I’m the only one in my family that watched the second plane go into the other tower; my mom had gone into the kitchen to retrieve something about a minute before it happened. Never before had I seen such a completely real explosion happening live.

When I got to school it seemed as though nothing was amiss since the bell hadn’t yet rung to instruct us to go to class. I met up with my friends and they were all their usual cheery selves. None of them ever watched the news in the morning so I got the joy of bringing up the subject when they asked me if I knew why certain people around campus seemed melancholy. I don’t relish that conversation and I never have. It still hadn’t completely sunk in yet for me but that was about to change.

In every class throughout the day the scheduled lecture was cancelled and the TV in each classroom remained on. Only once the teacher I looked-up to the most started sobbing did the reality of the situation finally hit me: America had just suffered its worst terrorist attack and I had watched a considerable number of innocent people die as it happened. All of those lives had been lost in an instant and it was broadcast to the entire country.

It floors me that my generation will be the final one to remember the attack as it happened; the current generation either hadn’t yet been born or is too young to remember it.

Fast Forward to This Morning

I was having a normal day at work and talking with my buddies about life and women (yeah, that’s pretty much every day for us). I had ashamedly forgotten the date and I turned to look at my phone; I saw “09/11/14” on the display and went “Oh shit, I can’t believe I forgot” out loud. For some reason the flag outside my building being at half-mast hadn’t been the instant-giveaway that it should have been.

After a brief detour I came home and changed into my Ranger Up “Patriot’s Day” shirt that I bought a few years ago.


Front of Patriot's Day Shirt

Soldier, fireman, and police officer below where the Twin Towers used to stand.


Back of the Patriot's Day shirt

Sometimes violence is the ONLY answer

I spent the rest of my day thinking about that moment thirteen years ago and it was further solidified as the day where my view of the world completely changed.

College Cats: The Importance of Being Social

I was reading the blog of my buddy Hans Dix, a cool cat and the author of The Campus Hustler, tonight and came across his article An Open Letter to “Freshman Roamers”. This got me thinking about my own fraternity experience when I was in college and the difference between the social and non-social folks. When in college you should strive to be as social as possible (without it tanking your academic life, of course) and I remembered a particular sorority party I attended.

My comment on his article follows after the horizontal line.

Boy howdy do I have personal experience with #3. I shall now regale you with a story from my college days also known as “The Before Time”.

I rolled into a sorority party with four of my boys (this was a “no alcohol” party and I was completely sober the entire time); our entire fraternity was invited but only five of us actually showed up. Go figure. Hot sorority chicks making food for all the fraternity guys and only five of us from my group showed up? Damn near sacrilege is what it was. Anyway, we get there and all five of us are greeted warmly; I lingered to talk to and flirt with the two ladies working the door and the rest of my guys basically just went straight in without saying anything other than “hello”. This is the point where it went completely downhill for everyone except me. This is the point where I’d like to turn your #3 into both #3a (“Check your Attitude”) and #3b (“Actually Attempt to Be Social”).

True to form, unfortunately, my guys go off by themselves and huddle in the corner together (I was standing in the line for food, meeting guys from other fraternities, and making new friends). Every time I tried to include my guys and bring them over to talk with my new friends it was met with the most extreme form of shyness and stand-offish behavior I’d ever seen. It wasn’t any better when I started trying to introduce them to women (women whom I’d only met about fifteen minutes prior) but they were reticent to be included there too. At this point I just gave up since it seemed like they were happier in their clique and I went back to talking with the guys from the other fraternities and the ladies from the sorority.

Eventually my boys left without telling me (i.e. they abandoned me) and I wound up being the only person from my fraternity still at the party. “Fuck it”, I thought, “I’m having fun and meeting tons of people so I’m staying”. I stood around telling jokes and playing off what other people said; I was just having a grand ol’ time. I finally grab some food and flirt with the two ladies cooking then go off with two of my new buddies to a couple of couches so we can down the grub. We’re quickly joined by six members of the sorority.

Now, I have a VERY unique side-profession and that fact got passed around the sorority since it came up in conversation with the door gals. Apparently they referred to me as “exotic” and “you have to meet this guy”. I started getting opened left-and-right by these chicks. I began telling some of my stories from my side gig to the ladies and the crowd starting growing; when I finished my first story I looked around and an extra nine women had joined the group. The two guys with me had no idea where they came from but they weren’t going to question a good thing when they saw it. I do have my darker side and my stories exemplified it; I think I genuinely frightened at least a few of them but it worked out well.

A few more stories and I had to be on my way amidst the pleading of “Nooooo don’t goooooo!” I had class in the morning and it was one of the few I actually bothered showing-up to that year (programming class regarding something I already knew but I was tight with the instructor so he’d know if I was missing). I still talk to the friends I made that day.

That same sorority put on a party later that year and several parties after that. My fraternity was no longer invited with a single exception: I was always asked for by name.