Trust Issues and Blame-Shifting

My Office Culture is Quite Receptive to Self-Improvement

One of the guys in my office is a textbook beta in emotion and mannerisms. I have absolutely nothing against the guy and I really do like him; he’s a fantastic graphic designer and a decent programmer but I need to give you an idea of what I’m dealing with here. I do like to see myself as the male mentor of the office since I’m asked for advice on practically everything that comes up and not just about women. A few days ago he asked three of us (myself, another engineer, and one of our UX/UI guys) for some advice about something that reared its ugly head in his relationship; the four of us were all sitting together in one part of the office shooting the shit and he brought it up.

The two of them recently moved-in together but they have been in a LTR for about seven years. From what he told us, she and he got into a fight and he actually told her to leave the apartment (per similar advice I gave him a couple of weeks ago regarding a different fight over messaging some other guy on Facebook with the vein of “if it happens again”). She started texting some guy (turned out to be her manager at work and they had been getting a little too close at certain times) and he was apparently being very supportive of her situation. It’s still kind of iffy at this point but women need validation especially in a crisis situation so it’s understandable.

Advice in a Work Environment is Important

All of us see each other every day so there is always time to talk about our experiences.

What made the three of us shoot each other glances of WTF was his next revelation that she had changed this guy’s name to someone that he was actually friends with. I don’t know how he found out the phone number didn’t match the name but I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask when he was already in a bad place. Red flags went up over all three of our heads instantly.

(Bolding added where I emphasized my speech patterns during the conversation)

I said to him “Wait, wait, wait… you can’t possibly not see the problem here”. My other compatriots gave wide-eyed exaggerated nods.

He looked at me blankly.

I continued, “She obviously doesn’t want you to know she’s talking to this guy. Talking to him is one thing. Changing his name to that of one of your friends is something entirely different. She’s actively deceiving you straight-up.”

I have rarely seen such a facial expression on a man of understanding combined with a realization that he was being treated as a doormat. I had already formulated my opinion of the situation at this point and I knew it would probably hurt him but he needed to hear it so he could spare himself going through it personally.

I asked “Do you want my honest opinion of what I think is going on?” He nodded.

I said “I think she’s seeing someone else. If she isn’t fucking this guy she will be soon. She’s proven that she isn’t worthy of your trust more than once and not deserving of any more of your time or commitment. SHE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU. Why are you still holding on to her?”

The Transformation Begins

The completely crestfallen look I then saw completely beat the previous look of realization on the pathetic scale; I actually wanted to hug him until he replied with this gem:

“I just feel like I have trust issues with thinking that way about her.”

You know that twinge you get in the back of your head when you just can’t hold back? Yeah, I almost half-yelled, half-laughed about it while saying “You don’t have trust issues, the bitch has honesty issues!” More nods from the others and he actually started laughing once he realized I was trying to look out for him and not berate him. Once I said that he understood completely and the conversation became easier.

I then asked him “Are you doing anything outside of your apartment with her?” He said he’s attending a Latin dance class (this cat can MOVE) and I got that devilish smile on my face. I’m sure you know the next words out of my mouth: “Approach, approach, approach!” I then told him “Dude, you’re younger than I am; get out there, meet new people, and focus on enjoying your life instead of on some bitch who’s constantly sapping your energy; I made that mistake long ago so I’m advising you from personal experience”. It’s really true; I’m considerably happier when comparing my red-pill life to my old blue-pill life.

He told me he’d take my advice and go from there. Today he told me that he’d been out approaching and had pulled a few numbers while setting up dates. I’m immensely proud and I haven’t really seen a transformation happen so quickly in the past. I’m now also his go-to guy for advice about women and life in general so I have officially become another man’s male mentor.

The Reality of the Situation

I’ve noticed over time that the phrase “trust issues” is almost exclusively uttered by women. Why is this?

Women accuse men of having “trust issues” when a man comes to the realization that there are most likely ulterior motives behind her actions. She shifts the blame to the man because she knows what she is doing is wrong but can’t yet admit it to herself; instead she rationalizes her behavior (or “hamsters” in our parlance) until she can justify being absolved of any guilt and wrongdoing.

I’m reminded of a particular post over on /r/askTRP (I answer questions every so often over there but my username isn’t HawkWrites since I signed up for Reddit long before I ever started writing) that embodied this perfectly. It went along the lines of the following:

“I’m in a relationship with this girl and she has been sexting other guys. What do I do?”

She had also apparently been trying to hide her actions from this poor bastard. The answer is obvious to those of us that have adopted the red-pill mindset: “Drop her, engage abundance mentality, meet people, spin some plates, and take your life by the balls”. The resistance to that answer was to be expected and the gist of it was pretty much verbatim in the vein I had described above:

“I love her and I feel weird about looking into it”

Well, she obviously doesn’t love you. Why put so much of your energy into someone who can’t be bothered to show you even basic decency? As I’ve said above: “You don’t have trust issues, the bitch has honesty issues”. Men don’t have trust issues; we can’t be bothered with things of such a trivial nature. If our trust is broken we aren’t going to hem and haw over the circumstances and how we could have prevented the situation; we’re going to give a grand ol’ “fuck you” and move on. Once our trust is broken there’s absolutely no hope of getting it back since we would just be kidding ourselves and setting ourselves up for our woman’s relapse if we pursued the alternative.


A woman who busies herself by accusing you of having “trust issues” is really just projecting her own insecurities and poor choices onto you. When translated, it reads more along the lines of “I know what I’m doing is wrong and I’m going to do my damnedest to hide it from you no matter what it takes”. You don’t have trust issues; she has honesty issues.


4 thoughts on “Trust Issues and Blame-Shifting

  1. Pingback: Trust Issues and Blame-Shifting |

  2. It’s nice to finally hear a success story of turning another on to the red pill… I had a friend once ask me “how I did it” and “what my secret was” all the right questions you know, lament over the fall of our culture, rambling girl problems, struggles with addiction. So, I explained things in black and white and gave him links to all the best stuff. And what did he do? Spat that pill back in my face the very next week and called me arrogant. I think there needs to be a very gradual approach to handing out red pills, but I don’t have to patience to tip toe around egos.

    • I’ve said before that I’m not a proponent of advertising RP philosophy but this was a special case; I couldn’t let the poor guy get fucked over that badly. I was honestly surprised he was that willing to accept the reality of the situation and proceed from there. Granted, I also had consensus from a group.

      Maybe all you need is other trusted individuals with similar views to come together and provide group advice as a whole.

    • Spreading the red pill has a learning process too. It goes in several stages.

      1) At first you’ll give out your hard earned knowledge to anyone who will listen. You may find guys who take to it like a fish to water. And when you find enough guys who spit on you instead, you move to step two.

      2) You’re give the red pill out gradual and use feelers to guage a person. It can be a long process sometimes and you may lose track what you’ve told whom. Depending on whether you’ve have good experiences (move to stage 3) or bad experiences (move to stage 4) you’ll change it yet again.

      3) If you’ve had good experiences with the gradual method you learn to refine your method of questioning to the point where you can tell almost right away whether someone is fit to receive your counsel or not. If someone looks as if they’ll spit on you for telling them the truth – you’ll waste not a single breath and give not a single fuck.

      4) If you’ve had bag experiences – you may not spread the red pill at all – instead keeping it to yourself and only opening up to people who seek you out and really make the effort to pick your brain and know what you know.

      As my one of my best friends told me – as your breaks, it should not be a matter of “to love or not to love” so much as being more discriminating with regards too who you love.


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