The “Nice Guy” Cure

1. Right Out of the Gate

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do you wonder why no woman ever wants you?
  2. Do you keep yourself up at night with fantastical visions of a perfect life with a perfect wife?
  3. Do you want a lifelong commitment without a modicum of effort?

Do these questions seem familiar to you?

Okay, maybe you’re not the loser I described. Are you on the sidelines, though? Are you the kind of person that never seems to get the girl but always winds up wiping away her tears? Can you just never get a break?

Are you doomed to playing the fool your entire life?

There are two answers here: the short answer and the long answer. The short answer is that it is absolutely possible to break out of your shell. The long answer is that it is going to take some work and some serious introspection. Are you ready for that? Only you will know for sure.

Be aware that this in no way guarantees you will attain the object of your affection. In all honesty I couldn’t care less. You will, however, learn to see the world the way that it is and without the rose-colored glasses through which you have been conditioned to see life.

Read on, son… you might just learn something!

2. The Painful Truth

You’re really not all that nice. As a matter of fact you’re most-likely a dick as well as someone that would easily collapse in a fight. There is nothing physically or mentally redeeming about you. You have absolutely no physical merit and the psychological prowess upon which you pride yourself is laughable at best. You tell yourself that you are somehow superior to “the others” and you live your life based on that which you have completely invented in your own mind. There is truly nothing redeemable about you. Why should anyone, let alone women, want to spend their time around you?

You’ve never been tested in combat. I’m not talking about playful fighting; I’m talking about serious hand-to-hand “if you lose, you die” combat. You have never truly been fighting for you life and have never been in a state where a single mistake will end your existence.

If you HAVE ever been in a real combat situation then you have not learned anything about humanity or attraction as a result. Either of those two outcomes results in an individual that is maladjusted to propagate his genes into the next generation: in essence, there is no hope for you.

That stings, right? The problem exists entirely within YOU. You can blame others as much as you want; however, at some point you have to take responsibility for your situation.

There is, of course, a cure. That cure, however, comes with a heavy dose of self-analysis first and a desire to fix that which is wrong. If you do not have the intestinal fortitude to do so then you should stop reading at this point; it only gets more difficult from here. If you do possess the requisite strength and desire for self-improvement then you may absolutely continue on.

3. The First Step

The first step is admitting you’re not able to summon the courage to go and approach women in real life. Online games and dating sites (OKCupid, EHarmony, PlentyOfFish, etc) do not count; you need to out and have real interactions with real people. Without face-to-face interaction you’re pretty much doomed.

I know that it absolutely seems frightening at first. Anything worth doing takes practice, right? I’m not a fan of e-sports (you all need to be outside playing real sports) but I can use it in an analogy. Let’s take a common game (CS:GO) as an example:

  • You need to have individual skill to succeed at certain maps in CS:GO
  • You need to work well in a team to succeed at certain maps in CS:GO

There is at least one condition in which you have to work well as a team in order to succeed. In order to work well in a team you cannot do anything you want to do at any given time; you need to make sacrifices for the forward momentum of the team as a whole. The team depends on the actions of all of the individuals combined.

Once you can function without thinking entirely of yourself you are ready to move on to the next step.

4. The Second Step

Approach, approach, approach.

Human interaction may be terrifying. It’s similar for anyone that is trying to free themselves from the shell they have constructed.

You already know you can provide for yourself. You already know you can provide for your team. That says nothing regarding people outside of either of these two groups. In order to engage with people outside of your comfort zone you have to break from your normal routine and talk with individuals with whom you would otherwise have nothing in common.

Still a gamer? Get “Pokemon Go” onto your phone (Android or iPhone). It will get you outside and will open you up to an immense amount of possibilities. Spend some time in your town going around and catching Pokemon. It may seem stupid at first but the more you do it you will see the potential benefit. The more you see the potential benefit the more you will be in a position to reap it.

A large amount of the college-age population has decided to go out and hunt for Pokemon on their phones. It will absolutely seem silly at first based on the previous paragraph but consider the results:

  1. You’re actively walking around. You won’t be merely taking up space.
  2. You’ll eventually know the lore and can talk intelligently about it.
  3. Being active equates to exercise. Physical activity augments or replaces intellectual capability and creates a well-rounded person.

You can speak ill of the phone app all you want but the results speak for themselves.

5. The Third Step

Stop believing the crap you see on /r/seduction (seddit) and instead focus on your goals. Ask yourself these three questions:

  1. What do you want to accomplish in your life?
  2. What do you need to attain your goals?
  3. What is standing in the way of accomplishing your goals?

At this point you should have already gotten to the point where you realize you are in control of your life and you are the only person that should be held accountable. You have already removed all toxic influences.

Your task at this point? Go forth and make what you want out of life!

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Beating Alcohol Addiction

I’m writing this post at the behest of my therapist regarding my prior dependence on alcohol since I beat it entirely with the force of willpower alone (you may have read about some of it with my post Re-igniting the Fire); it was a lot worse than I had previously let on.

Yes, I have a therapist; she has known me for the better part of the last twenty years and is probably more in tune with me than my closest friends. It really helps to have an objective third party listen to the things you need to say regardless of what those things are. She knows, though, that if I’m being an idiot she needs to tell me so I can get my head on straight. It’s immensely helpful and I’d go as far as to suggest that everyone should see a therapist at least once in their lives (don’t discuss Red Pill stuff with them, though).

Drunk guy on a bench

I used to be a drunk dickhead for years; that should just about describe it and set the stage for what’s to come. When I decided to stop my first thought was regarding what I would be losing if I gave up the bottle. Obviously I’d be losing the kind of feeling I used to get from being blitzed out of my mind; admittedly it’s a pretty nice feeling until you overdo it. My main problem, though, was two-fold:

  • My stomach had been hurting something fierce and it was only getting worse as I guzzled more and more bullshit
  • I was turning into an absolute fatass by putting on around 20 pounds of fat with all the empty calories (again, I wasn’t working out during this period since the whiskey family lowers your testosterone) and I was the wrong kind of asshole (angry and combative for absolutely no reason)

Nobody wants to have a constant pain follow them all throughout life and have it prevent any kind of meaningful interaction with anyone of either sex in particular. You’ll never want to go out and meet new people (or interact with existing ones) since you will always feel that pain and nagging doubt in the back of your mind before you decide to break out of your shell. You wind up looking at the world in a much more malicious way and hate practically everything and everyone if you sink far enough into the pit that I had found myself in after years of guzzling alcohol.

drunk-guy-toilet

Specifically, I considered the following four criteria when I decided to analyze my problem (and you can really do these questions for any addiction):

  1. Who am I hurting?
  2. Am I ashamed?
  3. How much money am I expending by doing this?
  4. How would I be better off by stopping?

Let’s go over these in order:

Who am I hurting?

I was hurting myself above anyone else; you have to look out for yourself above all since nobody else will do that for you. If you’re fucking yourself over constantly and ensuring you can’t push forward towards your goals you need to stop and take stock of your life. I guarantee that you’ll find some kind of thing that motivates you to get back on the right track. You’re your best ally and you need to prioritize yourself above all in order to achieve anything significant.

Am I ashamed?

Of course I was ashamed. I was hurting both myself and the people I loved. I hated seeing the looks in the eyes of my friends, family, and significant others; seeing how other people look at you will be the best motivator you have if you give even the smallest of shits about how the outside world perceives you. If you’re a man you absolutely need to think about how others perceive you even to the smallest degree since the recognition will do nothing but help you both in your professional and personal lives if you choose to take them in the correct direction.

drunk-guy-bar

How much money am I expending by doing this?

Liquor isn’t cheap. I expended a significant portion of my paycheck each month to feed my habit and I had nothing but a fat gut and a shitty temper to show for it. I’m not at all saying that people shouldn’t drink; hell, if you want a beer every so often you’re absolutely within your right to have one as I certainly am as long as you keep it under control. However, the problem arises when you put more and more booze down your gullet and start acting out against the ones that love you as a result with no other recourse other than “Oh I’m sorry, I was drunk”. “I’m drunk” is not an excuse for women to act however they want and it’s damn sure not an excuse for men to do whatever they feel like. “I’m drunk” or “I was drunk” is indicative of a significant weakness that pervades the very fabric of who that person is, woman or man.

How would I be better off by stopping?

The benefits are almost innumerable here. Once I stopped I realized I could have more meaningful interactions with everyone. I stopped accepting the fact that people would walk all over me at work and actively started fighting back regardless of who the person was; I once again gained the respect of my team by doing so and they had nothing but the utmost confidence in me since I made sure I looked out for them. I feel as though a haze has been lifted off me and I’m able both to think and speak more clearly. Breaking an addiction such as mine will do nothing but help you in the long run if you suffer from such a thing.

So what’s my point? Some people need Alcoholic’s Anonymous (AA) in order to sit around with other like-minded people and discuss and solve their addictions as a group; others just need to put their minds to the problem at hand and attack it until it no longer presents a threat to their state of mind or body. Thankfully I was the latter and was able to attack my weakness and turn it into a strength; once you beat a chemical addiction you can do damn near anything without a second thought.

Re-igniting the Fire

For years I was a drunk son-of-a-bitch and a complete asshole (not the good “jerkboy charisma” one I am now; the bad “I’ll fight you just because it’s raining outside” kind). I’d put away roughly half a bottle of booze in a single night; it didn’t matter what kind as long as it got me bombed. I honestly can’t remember roughly half of my entire time in college because I was more interested in pounding whiskey, bourbon, tequila, and something I think may have been chemically similar to varnish. Needless to say (and yet I shall anyway) my days from about 2009 (so halfway through college) to the end of 2013 were drenched in a blurry haze of self-induced stupor. I never wanted to go out or even do anything because I either had a hangover or some kind of ghastly stomach pain every single day for a good long while. People don’t respect you if you can’t respect yourself, right? The stomach issue alone took about three months to clear up after I kicked the bottle; the pain was indescribable and it was a hell of a lesson to learn the hard way.

Once I kicked the booze and the pain cleared up I noticed something interesting about myself: I had WAY more energy and was ready to grab life by the balls. I actually began feeling that I HAVE to go out and do things; I go stir-crazy in my apartment if I stay indoors too long now. That fact alone has done nothing but help my fitness level and give me even more motivation to continue working out; I’ve lost 13 pounds while gaining more muscle so far and I’m still going strong. My testosterone has shot back up to the level it used to be and I’m invigorated; a lowered T level from the booze probably explains a lot of my beta behaviors from my past. While I was still drinking it felt like my inner fire had smouldered to a single ember; now it’s back to the raging inferno that consumes my personality and makes me the ass-kicking hard-charger I am.

What am I trying to get at here? Men who have lost their drive need to figure out how to get back in gear and get their shit together. Right after I kicked the alcohol I started focusing on my other dependencies: coffee, crappy food, and the aforementioned never wanting to do anything. I broke them all by taking them one at a time and committing to being a better man. I talk a lot about self-improvement but it wouldn’t mean a damn thing if I didn’t practice what I preach or have the past life experiences to back it up. I’ve been through my own personal hell and back. If I can do this, it’s proof it can be done since I managed to break FOUR separate dependencies in the span of a few months with hard work and willpower.

Get out there, kick some ass, and be ready to have your inner fire consume your soul once you find your own personal accelerant.

Old-School Alpha

I was talking with my dad tonight and I’m fairly certain he’s the original alpha. He’s a dick like me but his dickishness is directed (I’m just an asshole so there’s that dichotomy) and I respect him as much as I love him. He taught me everything I know about respect and fulfilling your goals. He’s a great man and you’d do well to know him.

How does he qualify, for example? He’s a hard-charging motherfucker who doesn’t let useless bullshit get in his way and keeps his best interests at heart. If anyone is going to whoop some ass it’ll be him (aside from me but then again cracking heads used to be my job; I miss it like crazy but that’s neither here nor there).

Has he been fucked over? Sure, but then again who of us hasn’t? I think our reactions to being fucked over and the things that come of it define us as men. I love him to death and I’d happily destroy anyone that sought to cause him any harm. He’s where I get a lot of my mentality and inspiration from so I can at least blame his blood for the way I am. My daddy is my rock and there isn’t a goddamn thing that would change it; he and I would take a bullet for each other.

We have too many conversations to enumerate. Hell, he and I are even texting each other right now as I write this. He’s one of the elements I use for motivation and he’d do well to know that since any time I’m ready to crush heads I’m thinking of him.

I’m a man but absolutely not afraid to say that I love my dad and I cherish the things he’s taught me. Every man needs a figure of male inspiration and my dad is mine.

Daily Motivation

I wrote out a set of things upon which I focus throughout my day. In reality it’s my “self-improvement” checklist and it’s one of the last things I see before I start my day. The absolute last thing I see, though, is my tin sign with a John Wayne quote that says “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway” (it hangs right above my apartment door); it sets the tone for my day of pushing through any adversity regardless of whether it scares the shit out of me. The combination of the two reminds me to stand firm in my convictions and keep blazing my own path.

My self-improvement document is below.

 


SELF IMPROVEMENT

Dedicate yourself to it.

 

Listen to music and get fired up. Some acceptable choices are:

  • Stone Sour (the hard and heavy songs, not the depressing stuff)
  • Godsmack
  • Social Distortion
  • Black Label Society
  • Volbeat

Approach and make conversation with someone new.

Hit the gym and lift. If your blood isn’t pumping to the point where you want to crush some heads then you’re doing it wrong. You’ll want to focus on these:

  • Bench Press
  • Bicep Curls
  • Pull-down
  • Low Row

Go on walks like a motherfucker (but don’t chafe your ass like that one time).

Stay active on Fitocracy and log your workouts. You’ll be more willing to do the above and it will give you considerable amounts of motivation.

Play your guitars or your bass. Even if it’s just for a few minutes you’ll start feeling creative.

Try new combinations on your signal chain. You have a metric fuckton of pedals to choose from so figure out what sounds great.

Read or write something so you either consume or produce creative works.


 

Take from my document what you can; it helps me every day and try to accomplish as many things on it as I can. When I go to bed each night I wind up feeling accomplished and then that provides even more fire to get something done the next day.