Red Pill Initiates

Two things have happened in the four months I’ve been away: people have been asking me for male guidance and I’ve been squaring old business as any good businessman should. Naturally, the combination of these two activities necessitates a hiatus from writing and a doubled-down focus on the real world. If I’m going to help people or at least impart any kind of advice I have to be completely focused on what I’m talking about. The former is an ongoing project of male mentoring with multiple people so I expect my presence here to be sporadic for a while at best while I take those individuals under my wing. Get it? Under my wing.

All kidding aside, I’m happy the aforementioned people came to me. I tried to impart the advice on both of them over a year ago since I saw lives (and in one case, families) falling apart but they were not having any of it; it appears that both of them are now willing to accept the reality of the dichotomy between the sexes and therefore I may proceed. Keep in mind that I have not forced it upon them; they both sought me out for guidance. For the purpose I’ll be referring to the first in the A Red-Pill Man is Born section and the second in the It’s About Damn Time section.

A Red-Pill Man is Born

The other day I’m sitting at work doing my engineering thing and I get an instant message from one of the guys I work with. The entire text of it is “What does Alpha Fucks Beta Bucks mean”. I knew instantly where he had gotten that and knew why he was asking me that but I pushed for written confirmation.

“Where did you hear that?”

“Oh yeah, [NAME REDACTED] told me about /r/TheRedPill so I took a look”

Christ, I’ve created a monster. I told [NAME REDACTED] about that sub a year and a half ago so this has something to do with me at this point.

In my mind I’m impressed and going “Another one for the realists” and getting excited but I work in an open office environment so my outward reaction was much more calm than that.

He asked me a straight question so I told him what it means.

“So you mean an Alpha shouldn’t pay for a woman ever?”

He took it to the same extreme I expected just as all newcomers to the RP lifestyle do. I told him my honest thought on the subject: “Not necessarily. He can but he doesn’t make a habit of it”.

I find the “he doesn’t make a habit of it” portion to be the most important. The primary distinction is that an Alpha has confidence about him and a Beta uses the influence of his wallet. Each woman is different (yes, I know AWALT) in their reaction to it and it’s important to gauge it in order to figure out the probability of future events. When I sense a woman is more interested in the Beta ideology (i.e. the latter) I leave and never contact her again; I’m not going to bankroll her bullshit. Are you interested in me for my ability to work a room and draw people in with merely my personality? Okay, let’s talk.

If I fuck up and misjudge it? I couldn’t care less; abundance mentality is beautiful that way.

No matter what I do I keep the advice of the wise Christian McQueen (and a buddy of mine) in the back of my head each day: “Her being one in a million means she’s one of a million”. There will always be someone else and I try to impart that as one of the keystones of my advice no matter with whom I’m talking. I told the same to a psychologist/therapist friend of mine (we’ve known each other for 20+ years) and she was quite receptive to it and agreed wholeheartedly.

Getting back to the original point: I walked over to the guy’s spot in the office and saw him looking at the sub. I asked him what he was up to and he turns to me and says “There’s a lot of good advice here”. At that point the incubation period was going forward and he was well on his own way.

It’s About Damn Time

I just got off the phone with this one. Three different times he almost started letting his emotions loose in a bad way; I understood, of course, as I’d been there a few times myself a few years prior. I don’t begrudge him at all.

At one point he managed to tell me that he had written poetry about the break-up.

Not just any poetry; poetry for her.

Eighty-four multi-page poems for her.


Okay, some people get their feelings out in different ways and need different amounts of time to…

“I still talk with her mom and dad”

Dude, what the hell?

“Yeah, she still feels bad about breaking up with me”

I’m sure she told you that. You’re my friend and all but there comes a time where I’ll smack you in the back of the head, call you a dumbass, and question your sanity. She must have told you any or all of the standard female fare after a breakup (“I still think about you”, “I miss you”, “You were the best thing that ever happened to me”, “It’s not you, it’s me”, etc etc etc). All it is is rhetoric; it has zero basis in reality.

“She’s really upset”

How convenient. She’s trying whatever she can to keep you in her life while absolving herself of any responsibility while doing so. Been there, man! We call it “Rewriting the Past”.

“She sends me pictures of our dog”

Now she’s just screwing with you in a bad way. She’s trying to evoke emotion and a sense of togetherness over a shared experience to goad you into contacting her. Also how the hell did she get your dog?

“I don’t know what to do”

Turn your phone off or throw it in a lake; either one will have the desired result. I can’t necessarily be irked at him for not knowing what to do; hell, most things that caused the transition to The Red Pill were these exact kinds of events and even feeling helpless to some degree for some people. I’d much rather he come to me than start spiraling out of control.

Go no contact and take it a day at a time. It will absolutely feel like going cold turkey from an addiction but that’s the surefire way you’ll rebuild yourself into a hardened individual that’s capable of handling life and understanding the general truths of modern sexual relations.


You’ve now seen two completely true stories of transitions into the RP lifestyle. It’s always possible. Unfortunately there are times when it takes an absolute breaking of the spirit and the psyche to trigger it; these cases are the easiest to push toward the natural order of things, however.  In our cases experience really speaks and to the victor (he who has persevered) go the spoils.


Defeatism: Where Self-Improvement Withers

A while back I was on Reddit and /r/foreveralone happened to be one of the trending subreddits on the front page. My first thought was “Okay, I’ve seen the Forever Alone Guy used in rage comics so let’s check this out. Maybe it will be funny”. I had a very uncomfortable realization upon entering the sub: these are some of the most depressed people I’ve ever seen and everyone just sits around enabling each other more often than not. The tagline is “Forever Alone, Together!”

Front page of /r/foreveralone

Front page of /r/foreveralone right now

Holy shit. There almost aren’t words to describe just how sad this whole situation is; I truly feel for these people. You know you’ve gone the wrong way down the rabbit hole when the place has information for the Suicide Hotline on the right side-bar. How do you get so far down that the only thing you can do is either think of offing yourself or coming into a community of people thinking about doing the same thing at one point or another?

The Most Dangerous Enemy of Self-Improvement

As I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’ve visited that sub (along with the huge red flag that the third post in the image says “Proof that relationship is the single biggest indicator of happiness in life”) you’ve found a constant feeling of defeatism. The reason I’m saying this is the most vicious enemy against self-improvement is that feeling comes from within; no external factors tell you you’re worthless. This feeling can be created based on outside failures but at the end of the day it’s entirely the one who failed who hammers the feeling of worthlessness into his brain. “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not attractive enough”, and “I can’t do anything right” are common subjects you’ll find there.

This group runs into a problem or a perceived failure and then completely obsesses over it. Occasionally it even becomes a dick-measuring contest regarding who’s the most alone or unworthy of life. Trying to one-up each other on who’s the most depressed is something I’ve only ever seen narcissistic teenagers try.

Sadly, Help is a Foreign Concept

You know there’s a problem when even /r/TheBluePill despises you.

If there was ever a group of people that needed a strong dose of the red pill it would be these folks. With thread titles like “Do you put women on a pedestal?” and comments like “I do and I enjoy it” you can even see that lack of success with women drives a lot of their mindset. Who had this idea in his head in recent media? Yeah, I’m talking about that dink Elliot Rodger. Countless media sources report on him as being either “red-pill” or a “failed red-piller”; he wasn’t a failed RPer. He was as blue as they come and never even tried to improve his situation but just bitched about it until he decided to kill a bunch of people.

However, whenever help is offered it is strongly rebuffed under the guise of something akin to “you just don’t understand my situation”. Doesn’t that also sound familiar? The kind of help they need is also even mocked but it’s given in such large doses that it probably wouldn’t help anyway. You wind up getting sarcastic bullshit like this thread mocking improvement when in reality that’s exactly the path these people need to be taking in order to get some value out of life. You also get threads that come so close to getting it and then the top-rated comment is a derisive “Been hitting those red pills pretty hard lately?” I’ve noticed somewhat of a trend where the people that are close to improving (not those that have successfully gotten out of an FAer mindset) are completely shut down because the responder can’t handle truth.

These kinds of people need the larger picture broken down into small manageable steps just like we would tell a non-depressed person who was new to TRP. The steps are similar but they have to be more focused on breaking a FAer out of their shell on the Internet as opposed to having them gung-ho approaching people in real-life and running game.

Hawk’s Self-Help Steps for FAers

Before you start the list please recognize that these steps are sequential. They are meant to be completed in order without any skipping.

  1. Cut contact and unsubscribe from /r/foreveralone. They’re not helping; they’re just enabling your situation.
  2. Jump onto Steam; it’s okay to use video games as a crutch for now since they have the potential for social interaction and a lot of FAers aren’t ready to make connections face-to-face just yet.
  3. Join some Steam Groups based on your interests over at the Steam Community.
    1. These groups often offer “Group Chat” so you can talk to people who also share your interests
  4. Jump into the group chat every so often if there are other people there so you can strike up conversations and at least have people to talk to
    1. CRITICAL: Do not bring up your Forever Alone views or how much you hate your life. You’re here to make happy connections not wallow in the same problem that caused everything in the first place.
  5. If you get close with a few people you enjoy talking to, try using the Send Message feature of Steam after you get them on your Friend List. That way you can talk to them one-on-one and form singular human connections.
  6. If you’ve joined a Steam Group that’s related to a game, play that game with some people from that group or your friends from Step 5.
  7. Hit the gym and lift or hit some cardio (yes, this will always be a part of self-improvement lists regardless of who the list is tailored for). This will help your confidence with your own self-image and that will be critical for you to start making face-to-face connections. You want to play to your strengths here to build your confidence.
  8. When you’re confident in your ability and you’ve formed meaningful relationships online it’s time for you to move into real-life. Talk to people about anything while waiting in line for coffee, waiting to check out at the register of the grocery store, anywhere you can find people.
    1. This step will be awkward as hell but each new conversation will build up your image more and more in that you’re able to talk to new people and before you know it you’ll converse effortlessly in real-life.
  9. Repeat steps 7 through 9 as you move through life and it will become second-nature to you. It takes work but you won’t feel so alone any longer.
    1. It’s okay to fall back on steps 4 through 6 every so often if you just need to talk to someone and you’re striking out at real-life conversations. At least you’ll be having interactions. However, you should not give up on steps 7 through 9 as you’re doing this, though.

Improvement is Possible

Every so often you’ll see threads on the sub that talk about finally getting the courage to change themselves and go back out into the world. One of the more recent ones I’ve seen is “It’s been fun, but I’m not FA anymore”. That’s the mark of someone who recognized the problem, took initiative, and started working toward a better life. Bravo, brother.

Unfortunately posts like these are far and few between.


Nobody is going to fix your situation for you; you have to be the one to step up, say “I’m sick of this”, and start on the path of changing your life. That’s the core component of what we preach when we discuss red-pill philosophy. It takes a lot of work to get from a suicidally-depressed state to one where you enjoy life and can form connections effortlessly and it’s admittedly difficult. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, though; the end result will be like night and day and you’ll be a better person for it.

What Exactly is the Red Pill?

I just got myself a new office chair the last few days and I’m comfortable as hell. I can lean back and truly relax as I write my entries; you really have to love a college town since I poached this chair from the area near my dumpster as the most recent graduate was moving out of his apartment. My back hurts a lot less since I’m no longer using those IKEA excuses for lumbar support and general sedentary activities. I can actually swivel and move among my apartment so I’m feeling great and ready to discuss the philosophy behind this oft-used and rarely-understood phrase.

Red Pill? Isn’t that from The Matrix?

Well, yes and no. The swallowing and digestion of the red pill is different for everyone. Even its goals are a point of contention for some. For some (in all honesty it’s most of us) it may mean having the goal of meeting and seducing as many women as possible. For others, it may mean purely focusing on self-improvement and being the best men we can be. Neither of these options are completely wrong and neither of them are completely right either.

What exactly do I mean? Well, each option has the folks for which it may be correct; neither option is all-encompassing and therefore neither option may be right for the male populace as a whole. We have to decide exactly which path we wish to follow; in doing so, though, we realize the two are not mutually-exclusive and we can incorporate lessons from both into our daily lives in order to achieve what looks like a blend. Through self-improvement we should hope to achieve a combination of the two and not rely too heavily on one over the other.

Morpheus with Blue and Red Pills

Morpheus is holding both blue and red pills. Which will you take?

In The Matrix, Morpheus offered Neo two choices: swallow the blue pill and return to the sheltered and artificial life he knew or swallow the red pill and become privy to the reality of life and all of its hardships. Everyone who has seen the movie knows that Neo chose to swallow the red pill and live his life in the reality of human existence. The phrase doesn’t stray too much from that thought; swallowing the red pill in our society equates to realizing the situation in which we find ourselves and finding effective solutions in which to live.

Throughout the entire movie Neo finds himself in a struggle between the life he knew (blue pill) and the reality of his situation (red pill).

The Reality of the Situation

The red pill takes on many meanings to which I have enumerated above. In my own terms I see the red pill as an opportunity to improve who I am as a person and present a better Hawk to the world. In the pursuit of this goal I find myself lifting weights and approaching new people for conversation almost daily. By talking to strangers I expand my mind and engage others in their comfort zone in order to learn about the world that exists around me. By lifting weights I expand my body and push the physical limits that I have set for myself; I engage the flow of testosterone and make small improvements constantly until I’m pushing past the limits within which I have thought myself capable. The long and short? I’m lifting weights close to and beyond my own body weight and I never could have seen myself capable of such a feat.


The phrase the red pill means something different to everyone that internalizes it. However, the one thing that all of us have in common is that we desire self-improvement and are willing to work toward the goal of building better men within our time. Of course we can’t control the outcome of others and we’d be fools to expect otherwise. The one thing we can expect, however, is complete and utter dedication to our own plans and the pursuit of knowledge and fitness within our own limits and goals. Without goals, what are we but mere pawns in the hopes and dreams we wish to achieve? We need to push through the limits we set for ourselves in order to reach our true potential.

“Just Be Yourself”

Beating a Dead Horse

I know I’m beating a dead horse but this is important

I despise the phrase just be yourself with the fire of a thousand suns. Its usage is generally benign but the reality of the situation is so much more problematic than the phrase itself.

The phrase implies there’s absolutely nothing upon which we as men can improve upon. Obviously we know this to be false since a true man is always trying to find ways to expand his mind or better his body and generally become a better person. If everyone was a special snowflake and could just “be themselves” then the world would have no reason for anyone to pursue self-improvement; it would also be a really basic and lackluster place in which to live.

Why Do People Say “Just Be Yourself”?

I guarantee the majority of us have heard this phrase at least once in our lives. The source of it is even the same for most of that majority: our mothers. The context? Meeting and picking up women.

When our mothers say this it is never done with malice. Rather, it’s always done with the best intent but unfortunately it’s misguided advice. You can break it down to the idea that we’re listening to women for advice on how to pick up women. Logically, the idea should flow perfectly; shouldn’t women know what women truly want? We know this to be false and we’d be fools to trust them.

The reality of the situation is that women don’t know what they want deep-down and this phrase is an attempt to justify fantasy, not reality. The woman who says she wants a sweet man to be her equal? She creams herself when an alpha bad-boy caresses her and fucks her raw like an animal. The lady who says she wants her man to be open with his feelings? She’ll recoil the instant it happens and lose respect for him because he has shown himself to be weak the second he does it.

How Does it Affect Us?

Most women try to raise their sons to be beta. Hell, I know this is exactly what happened to me; the joke-but-not-really between my dad and I is that he “had a lot of fixing to do”. Damn straight he did and I thank the heavens every day that he was willing to do it so I could sack up and go pursue life on my own. Sadly this is not the case with a lot of married men; they supplicate to their wives by default and it leads to a totally fucked-up son with no powerful father figure who winds up stumbling across the philosophy of the Red Pill later on in life (or sometimes not at all).

Before we realize just how badly and unintentionally we’d be screwed-over we go through life putting women on a pedestal. We wind up seeing them as these creatures that can do absolutely no wrong and this is where the true danger rears its ugly head. The end result is that you’ll find yourself in the friend-zone faster than you can jack it to her photos on Facebook.

The cycle continues and some of us may even fall into the habit of completely hating women (the true misogynist by definition) for nothing other than their psychological and biological imperatives. These kinds of people may manifest themselves as pieces of human waste such as Elliot Rodger. That idiot was not at all associated with the kinds of things those of us who have internalized the red pill believe. It’s a logical fallacy (*cough*mainstream media*cough) to associate him with us since he’s the polar opposite of our practices but has exactly the “habit of completely hating women” that I touched on before. The end result of this is that you get some jack-off that shoots a bunch of people thanks to a bullshit ideology and selfishly offs himself before the police get the chance to put a couple hollow-points in him for the good of the country. He was not red-pill. He was not a “failed PUA”; he never even tried. He was just a crazy asshole who wound up killing innocent people.

Those of us that don’t go completely insane like the above wind up discovering RP philosophy and using it to make ourselves better men. Personally, I feel one of the primary reasons we need game in the modern world is in order to rectify the just be yourself problem. We focus constantly on what expands our minds and bodies and in the course of our journey we attract women as a consequence of our betterment. We don’t sit around and pray that our one true love or fair maiden (I cringed writing that) comes along; that’s just not realistic. Instead, we place our life mission first and reap the benefits as we go.

Manosphere Association

Like Roosh, I have similar thoughts on such a designation.

The phrase manosphere gets thrown around quite a bit when anyone mentions something related to male self-improvement. This begs the following question: is this blog actually associated with the manosphere? I’m hesitant to associate myself with such a circle since it often places negative traits first on a general level. In doing so it fosters a victim mentality that I so vigorously detest. Why the hell would I want to portray myself as an eternal victim? Nothing could make me weaker in anyone’s eyes.

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the debated term? If you’re like most readers who are yet to be enlightened the first thought that pops into your mind is MRA (Men’s Rights Activist). The idea is solid on its surface: men fighting for equality and the notion that men can be victims of the same issues that women face. Unfortunately, there’s a fundamental flaw in this argument that kills any manly stance from being able to develop: these MRAs are willing to use victimhood as their one and only identity. What exactly do we gain here when we zoom in on the “me, me, me” that pervades our society?

We gain precisely jack shit from embodying the exact same strategy that the feminists use. Do you really want to use the same tactics that these vapid shrews use? You’re now no better than any of them (there’s your “equality”!). Is that a harsh truth? It absolutely is a harsh truth but it’s a necessary one. We cannot relegate ourselves to being content with this association. If you’re like me you throw caution to the wind and say exactly what you need in order to command the respect you deserve without giving a second shit to how you make people feel. Take the last phrase with a grain of salt, however, as I’m not trying to push an entitlement mentality either. As men we have to say exactly what we mean and not allow our words to become diluted by over-use. The great John Wayne put it thusly: “Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much”.

The phrase respect you deserve is also fiercely up for debate and I’ll fight you with the force of a thousand imploding stars if you start watering-down the word respect. You don’t deserve a goddamn thing; you have to work for everything and any reward you reap is well-earned. The concept of respect is one that is near and dear to me as I have friends who have fought and died for it. Yes, I’ve had friends die to defend the definition of the word. As far as I’m concerned, nobody is deserving of respect unless either (A) they are willing to take a bullet for me or (B) I’m willing to take a bullet for them; this is the long and short of the situation and an absolutely unforgiving assessment of how I gauge whether something is deserving of my respect. If I’m willing to put myself in mortal danger to save your sorry ass then that’s the ultimate test of friendship and respect (I hate over-using that word but I feel as though it’s necessary here). Remember this phrase: “Respect is never given; respect is earned“.

To illustrate what I mean about respect (in the context of getting shit done in the office), I’ve actually had this conversation with my female boss regarding a client’s reaction to something I was working on (and yes, I’m known for my unapologetic directness and usage of profanity to prove my point):

Boss: “You have to make them feel good!”
Me: “I don’t give a flying fuck how my client feels.”
Boss: “Oh, you can’t feel like that” (while playfully slapping me; she’s a real sweetheart and she’s kept me out of trouble more than once for my views. I’d almost say she’s a Red-Pill Woman)
Me: “Sure I can and I just did. The big boss doesn’t care how I made the client feel; they only care whether or not the project gets done.”
Me: “I’d rather have the job done and the client hate but respect me than make them like me and have nothing to show for it.”
Me: “I charge through problems and solve them to my ability; if that pisses my client off, so be it. I still got the job done.”

I always have a black-and-white view at work and admittedly it pisses off a lot of people. I can’t afford to work any other way, however. I perform almost everything as a cost-benefit analysis and my dickishness gets the job done a lot quicker. If there ever needed to be any proof for how Asshole Game works from a professional standpoint it would be perfectly shown in my experiences.

Beating Alcohol Addiction

I’m writing this post at the behest of my therapist regarding my prior dependence on alcohol since I beat it entirely with the force of willpower alone (you may have read about some of it with my post Re-igniting the Fire); it was a lot worse than I had previously let on.

Yes, I have a therapist; she has known me for the better part of the last twenty years and is probably more in tune with me than my closest friends. It really helps to have an objective third party listen to the things you need to say regardless of what those things are. She knows, though, that if I’m being an idiot she needs to tell me so I can get my head on straight. It’s immensely helpful and I’d go as far as to suggest that everyone should see a therapist at least once in their lives (don’t discuss Red Pill stuff with them, though).

Drunk guy on a bench

I used to be a drunk dickhead for years; that should just about describe it and set the stage for what’s to come. When I decided to stop my first thought was regarding what I would be losing if I gave up the bottle. Obviously I’d be losing the kind of feeling I used to get from being blitzed out of my mind; admittedly it’s a pretty nice feeling until you overdo it. My main problem, though, was two-fold:

  • My stomach had been hurting something fierce and it was only getting worse as I guzzled more and more bullshit
  • I was turning into an absolute fatass by putting on around 20 pounds of fat with all the empty calories (again, I wasn’t working out during this period since the whiskey family lowers your testosterone) and I was the wrong kind of asshole (angry and combative for absolutely no reason)

Nobody wants to have a constant pain follow them all throughout life and have it prevent any kind of meaningful interaction with anyone of either sex in particular. You’ll never want to go out and meet new people (or interact with existing ones) since you will always feel that pain and nagging doubt in the back of your mind before you decide to break out of your shell. You wind up looking at the world in a much more malicious way and hate practically everything and everyone if you sink far enough into the pit that I had found myself in after years of guzzling alcohol.


Specifically, I considered the following four criteria when I decided to analyze my problem (and you can really do these questions for any addiction):

  1. Who am I hurting?
  2. Am I ashamed?
  3. How much money am I expending by doing this?
  4. How would I be better off by stopping?

Let’s go over these in order:

Who am I hurting?

I was hurting myself above anyone else; you have to look out for yourself above all since nobody else will do that for you. If you’re fucking yourself over constantly and ensuring you can’t push forward towards your goals you need to stop and take stock of your life. I guarantee that you’ll find some kind of thing that motivates you to get back on the right track. You’re your best ally and you need to prioritize yourself above all in order to achieve anything significant.

Am I ashamed?

Of course I was ashamed. I was hurting both myself and the people I loved. I hated seeing the looks in the eyes of my friends, family, and significant others; seeing how other people look at you will be the best motivator you have if you give even the smallest of shits about how the outside world perceives you. If you’re a man you absolutely need to think about how others perceive you even to the smallest degree since the recognition will do nothing but help you both in your professional and personal lives if you choose to take them in the correct direction.


How much money am I expending by doing this?

Liquor isn’t cheap. I expended a significant portion of my paycheck each month to feed my habit and I had nothing but a fat gut and a shitty temper to show for it. I’m not at all saying that people shouldn’t drink; hell, if you want a beer every so often you’re absolutely within your right to have one as I certainly am as long as you keep it under control. However, the problem arises when you put more and more booze down your gullet and start acting out against the ones that love you as a result with no other recourse other than “Oh I’m sorry, I was drunk”. “I’m drunk” is not an excuse for women to act however they want and it’s damn sure not an excuse for men to do whatever they feel like. “I’m drunk” or “I was drunk” is indicative of a significant weakness that pervades the very fabric of who that person is, woman or man.

How would I be better off by stopping?

The benefits are almost innumerable here. Once I stopped I realized I could have more meaningful interactions with everyone. I stopped accepting the fact that people would walk all over me at work and actively started fighting back regardless of who the person was; I once again gained the respect of my team by doing so and they had nothing but the utmost confidence in me since I made sure I looked out for them. I feel as though a haze has been lifted off me and I’m able both to think and speak more clearly. Breaking an addiction such as mine will do nothing but help you in the long run if you suffer from such a thing.

So what’s my point? Some people need Alcoholic’s Anonymous (AA) in order to sit around with other like-minded people and discuss and solve their addictions as a group; others just need to put their minds to the problem at hand and attack it until it no longer presents a threat to their state of mind or body. Thankfully I was the latter and was able to attack my weakness and turn it into a strength; once you beat a chemical addiction you can do damn near anything without a second thought.

Re-igniting the Fire

For years I was a drunk son-of-a-bitch and a complete asshole (not the good “jerkboy charisma” one I am now; the bad “I’ll fight you just because it’s raining outside” kind). I’d put away roughly half a bottle of booze in a single night; it didn’t matter what kind as long as it got me bombed. I honestly can’t remember roughly half of my entire time in college because I was more interested in pounding whiskey, bourbon, tequila, and something I think may have been chemically similar to varnish. Needless to say (and yet I shall anyway) my days from about 2009 (so halfway through college) to the end of 2013 were drenched in a blurry haze of self-induced stupor. I never wanted to go out or even do anything because I either had a hangover or some kind of ghastly stomach pain every single day for a good long while. People don’t respect you if you can’t respect yourself, right? The stomach issue alone took about three months to clear up after I kicked the bottle; the pain was indescribable and it was a hell of a lesson to learn the hard way.

Once I kicked the booze and the pain cleared up I noticed something interesting about myself: I had WAY more energy and was ready to grab life by the balls. I actually began feeling that I HAVE to go out and do things; I go stir-crazy in my apartment if I stay indoors too long now. That fact alone has done nothing but help my fitness level and give me even more motivation to continue working out; I’ve lost 13 pounds while gaining more muscle so far and I’m still going strong. My testosterone has shot back up to the level it used to be and I’m invigorated; a lowered T level from the booze probably explains a lot of my beta behaviors from my past. While I was still drinking it felt like my inner fire had smouldered to a single ember; now it’s back to the raging inferno that consumes my personality and makes me the ass-kicking hard-charger I am.

What am I trying to get at here? Men who have lost their drive need to figure out how to get back in gear and get their shit together. Right after I kicked the alcohol I started focusing on my other dependencies: coffee, crappy food, and the aforementioned never wanting to do anything. I broke them all by taking them one at a time and committing to being a better man. I talk a lot about self-improvement but it wouldn’t mean a damn thing if I didn’t practice what I preach or have the past life experiences to back it up. I’ve been through my own personal hell and back. If I can do this, it’s proof it can be done since I managed to break FOUR separate dependencies in the span of a few months with hard work and willpower.

Get out there, kick some ass, and be ready to have your inner fire consume your soul once you find your own personal accelerant.