Manosphere Association

Like Roosh, I have similar thoughts on such a designation.

The phrase manosphere gets thrown around quite a bit when anyone mentions something related to male self-improvement. This begs the following question: is this blog actually associated with the manosphere? I’m hesitant to associate myself with such a circle since it often places negative traits first on a general level. In doing so it fosters a victim mentality that I so vigorously detest. Why the hell would I want to portray myself as an eternal victim? Nothing could make me weaker in anyone’s eyes.

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the debated term? If you’re like most readers who are yet to be enlightened the first thought that pops into your mind is MRA (Men’s Rights Activist). The idea is solid on its surface: men fighting for equality and the notion that men can be victims of the same issues that women face. Unfortunately, there’s a fundamental flaw in this argument that kills any manly stance from being able to develop: these MRAs are willing to use victimhood as their one and only identity. What exactly do we gain here when we zoom in on the “me, me, me” that pervades our society?

We gain precisely jack shit from embodying the exact same strategy that the feminists use. Do you really want to use the same tactics that these vapid shrews use? You’re now no better than any of them (there’s your “equality”!). Is that a harsh truth? It absolutely is a harsh truth but it’s a necessary one. We cannot relegate ourselves to being content with this association. If you’re like me you throw caution to the wind and say exactly what you need in order to command the respect you deserve without giving a second shit to how you make people feel. Take the last phrase with a grain of salt, however, as I’m not trying to push an entitlement mentality either. As men we have to say exactly what we mean and not allow our words to become diluted by over-use. The great John Wayne put it thusly: “Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much”.

The phrase respect you deserve is also fiercely up for debate and I’ll fight you with the force of a thousand imploding stars if you start watering-down the word respect. You don’t deserve a goddamn thing; you have to work for everything and any reward you reap is well-earned. The concept of respect is one that is near and dear to me as I have friends who have fought and died for it. Yes, I’ve had friends die to defend the definition of the word. As far as I’m concerned, nobody is deserving of respect unless either (A) they are willing to take a bullet for me or (B) I’m willing to take a bullet for them; this is the long and short of the situation and an absolutely unforgiving assessment of how I gauge whether something is deserving of my respect. If I’m willing to put myself in mortal danger to save your sorry ass then that’s the ultimate test of friendship and respect (I hate over-using that word but I feel as though it’s necessary here). Remember this phrase: “Respect is never given; respect is earned“.

To illustrate what I mean about respect (in the context of getting shit done in the office), I’ve actually had this conversation with my female boss regarding a client’s reaction to something I was working on (and yes, I’m known for my unapologetic directness and usage of profanity to prove my point):

Boss: “You have to make them feel good!”
Me: “I don’t give a flying fuck how my client feels.”
Boss: “Oh, you can’t feel like that” (while playfully slapping me; she’s a real sweetheart and she’s kept me out of trouble more than once for my views. I’d almost say she’s a Red-Pill Woman)
Me: “Sure I can and I just did. The big boss doesn’t care how I made the client feel; they only care whether or not the project gets done.”
Me: “I’d rather have the job done and the client hate but respect me than make them like me and have nothing to show for it.”
Me: “I charge through problems and solve them to my ability; if that pisses my client off, so be it. I still got the job done.”

I always have a black-and-white view at work and admittedly it pisses off a lot of people. I can’t afford to work any other way, however. I perform almost everything as a cost-benefit analysis and my dickishness gets the job done a lot quicker. If there ever needed to be any proof for how Asshole Game works from a professional standpoint it would be perfectly shown in my experiences.


Respect Versus Acceptance

I just finished a 10 PM lifting regimen (it’s the weekend, I was bored, and I wanted something to do) so the T is flowing and inspiration is running through me. My Eric Clapton album may have something to do with that too but that’s neither here nor there.

Earlier today I was thinking about a particular meeting my department had with HR (Human Resources) several months ago after reminiscing with a buddy of mine (another software engineer) at work yesterday; sometimes I wonder if he and I are long-lost siblings based on the way we interact… we’re practically the same person on some days. I trained him the day he got hired and we basically wound up cracking jokes, telling life stories, and getting to know each other his entire first day at the company. It was absolutely wonderful and made me forget about the stupid bullshit I had going on that day; he’s a hell of a guy to know. We’ve sat next to each other for the last year and I wouldn’t change it.

ANYWAY! In the aforementioned meeting there were about thirty of us (managers, AVPs, Directors, and the like) in a single conference room with a very nice lady from HR. The meeting was about “Dealing with Difficult People” (I’m an asshole but I’ll go to bat for my people [and I do constantly] and defend them any day like a papa wolf with my full wrath; fucking with my team is a HUGE mistake). It’s safe to say I’m the alpha of the office based on general consensus. Unfortunately, it was the typical feel-good bullshit you’d expect from a “one solution fits all and everything else is wrong regardless of context” kind of thing. I already knew it would be a waste of time but I figured I’d meet some new people so what the hell.

I almost feel bad for writing about the exchange since she and I had a very nice conversation and talked about all kinds of cool stuff one-on-one after everyone left, but I’m a dick.

The conversation went thusly:

HR lady: “We have to respect everyone”
Me: *laughs under my breath but loud enough for everyone to hear*
HR lady: “You’re laughing”
*everyone turns and looks at me, my boss included*
Me: “Absolutely.”
HR lady: “Why?” (she’s not pissed but rather genuinely curious)
Me: “You have to be kidding me. I refuse to respect any idiot just because he works at the same place I do. Respect is not given; it is earned. There are very few people I respect and I’ll maintain that until the day I die. You’re confusing respect with acceptance; either way I refuse to put up with any dumbass bullshit that someone says just because it’s politically expedient.”
*Twenty-nine jaws dropped as I locked eyes with HR lady (well, maybe twenty-eight since my buddy was probably thinking the same thing I was)*

Nothing happened to me, obviously, and I continue to speak against the feel-good bullshit that pervades my industry. Everyone needs to stand for their ideals and have something to believe in.

Sometimes all it takes is a single person laying down some truth to influence an entire group when everyone else is too afraid to speak their mind; it works in criminal juries and it works in the office. You have to stand by your convictions and your actions should show that you’re not afraid to face criticism. THAT is how you gain respect. My team looks to ME for leadership and direction, not our political and doting boss; is that any surprise?

I’ve had friends die (in some cases they were even murdered) for it; I have no interest in “respecting” some dumbshit trying to exert his influence over my department just because he has a PhD. He can take his PhD and shove it up his A-S-S. Nobody will sully those aforementioned actions by the mere act of existing.

Growing up around the people I have and having the kind of life experiences I do I refuse to equate respect with across-the-board acceptance; any male willing to die for it is a man with titanium balls in my book .